Make Mine A Double [GG]

Compelling evidence that breast implants are not a 20th century invention emerged today as scholars at the Thrupiece Centre for Greater Understanding of the Oriental World [known locally as the What did the Arabs do for us? Group] unveiled a newly discovered drawing of a woman who has “clearly had a bit of work done”. The image which comes from c 750 [during the transition from the Umavyad caliphate to the Abbasid caliphate when the capital was moved eastward to Iraq and Baghdad was built] depicts the woman with large - possibly even exaggeratedly large - breasts squeezed into a bustier barely able to contain their impressive volume.

The Image of Aisha, Amina, Jafna, Mishfah, Nahdia, Shamairah, Rana or perhaps Zumena has revolutionised our view of the history of cosmetic surgery

Finely detailed, the picture - by an unknown artist - is explicit in its focus on the woman’s assets and is, research group leader Professor Ivor Bin-Chekin - almost certainly taken from life. “It is what we refer to as a representational image; it is not a caricature or cartoon".

Amateur breast expert and former pornographer Seymour Boobies, estimates that the woman - whose identity has not been definitively established but may have been called Aisha, Amina, Jafna, Mishfah, Nahdia, Shamairah, Rana or perhaps Zumena* is a size 32HH [give or take]. She would, he says, “certainly have been a handful”.

* We may never know [Middle Eastern Name Attributions Editor]

A Middle-Eastern surgeon makes marks on a female patient prior to performing cosmetic surgery.

In the absence of further corroborative evidence it is too early to say whether the use of breast implants was common in the Arab World of the time or whether Aisha, Amina, Jafna, Mishfah, Nahdia, Shamairah, Rana or perhaps Zumena is a "one off". "It is certainly likley that augmentation of this kind was available only to the wealthier socio-economic groups and may even have been exclusive to the hareem", Professor Bin-chekin adds, "perhaps - thinking about it as I speak - the result of advances in mammarian cosmetics would have remained securely in the hands of the few".

EXCLUSIVE READER INVITATION:

Do you have any genuine* images of breast augmentation which predate the twentieth century? If so why not send them to: The Pictures Editor at professorthrupiece.com. £20 paid to anyone supplying an image which is later published. Photographs will not be returned but may be passed around the office for amusement.

* Obviously Photoshopped pictures of a partner or loved one will be deemed ineligible