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Make That A Double [Standard]

Patrick and Polly are on holiday this week.

Now that it’s “out there” and the great Dorset public knows the identity of the vegetable-obsessed DBC broadcaster previously known as “the unidentified presenter whose identity 6 out of 10 people correctly guessed”, opinion is sharply divided with regard to the fate which now awaits him/her [You can drop that, we know who it is now [Ed]. Are you absolutely certain? [Legal Team]. That's what you are for [Ed]. We'll get back to you [Legal Team].].

Initially a majority believed his rehabilitation would begin with an appearance on next season’s I Used To Be A Celebrity Please Get Me Back On Screen but as feelings towards the broadcaster softened many now support Strictly Come Mincing as the more appropriate and more humane vehicle for his inevitable return.

Initially, Dorset Casino was giving odds of 4:1 on the latter but edged closer to 2:1 at close of play last night. Celebrity rehab expert and former Stringbonefellows hostess Betty Ford-Escort believes that though the path back to a six figure salary won’t be easy, the “now named broadcaster” can still make a successful bid for a return to the limelight. "With a decent PR Manager and a high profile rehab expert [me] in his team he could be back in the public eye before you can say “that Rolf Harris was a bit of a lad wasn’t he; but my goodness he was handy with a 2” sable brush” ".

A spokesperson for anti-license fee group JUST STOP KATIE BOYLE said they were considering a Group action against the publicly funded DBC. "If it was commercial television you could understand and maybe even forgive ... but grooming innocent vegetable on my money - no way".

A Tale of Two Scandals: A far, far better thing?

Recently disgraced host of thrupiecetv's This Morning Dorset - Patrick Sofa - was unavailable for comment last night but friends say he is appalled at the double standards involved. This is believed to be a reference to the fact that both he and the “no longer unnamed presenter” have both been cleared of any criminal charges and were both much loved figures on hugely inflated salaries who betrayed the public’s trust by behaving inappropriately. Though both were vilified in the press, post-exposure, only one had access to fast-track mitigation services. “If only I’d come up with that one”, Mr Sofa is said to have said.

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