McPontins-Butlin Lido II [Again]
"To give it a fair shake", as the man finishing up at the urinal famously said, we publish a series of reviews from those attending the Public Road Test Weekend at the newly refurbished McPontins-Butlin Lido. Readers will be aware that the acquisition of the facility and its recent relaunch by the Threadbone Corporation-owned McPontins-Butlin Leisure Group has received a mixed reception from industry experts. Here we give the [non]paying public a chance to air their own views.
THOSE CANDID REVIEWS IN FULL:
"My husband and I hadn't left the house for nearly three years and we were terrified of meeting the general public. Happily the good people at McPontins-Butlin had thoughtfully arranged for the resort to be completely deserted and we didn't see a single soul. Marvellous". Mrs Pam Demic-Dammàge
"As a water chemist I am very aware of the bacteria that colonise non-running water in public facilities. The complete absence of water at the McPontins-Butlin's Lido means it passes every water quality test known to science. Five star!"
Professor E Coli, Dorset Institute for Water Hygiene, Piddletrenthide
"It was my own fault: I should have looked before I leaped."
Blunt Edtrauma, Ward 6, Herston General Hospital Herston
"The decor was terrific, especially on the exterior walls and structural supports"
Shittsy [aka Norbert "Nobbie" Bellend] Street Artist
"Unfortunately we had to cancel due to my wife's herniated septum, but we understand it was liked by some and not so much by others. You [don't]pays yer money yer still make yer choice" A Fens-Sitta, Chetnole
"The Public Road Test Weekend might have been free, but we parked in the official carpark and were charged £400 per day excess. It felt like a penalty - though I suppose it was an own-goal really"
Otto-Mobyl Fiennes, Bucket-seat Person, Dorset AA
"It was awful and absolutely not our fault. We behaved impeccably and we are, as always, the victims here. I blame the authorities who were underprepared and over-enthusiastic - pepper-spraying and clubbing our children reminded me of the good old days which we will remember forever. "You'll Never Walk Again".
Jurgen Klappe-Trappe, Liverpool Road, Corfe Mullen