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McPontins-Butlin Lido II [Again]

"To give it a fair shake", as the man finishing up at the urinal famously said, we publish a series of reviews from those attending the Public Road Test Weekend at the newly refurbished McPontins-Butlin Lido. Readers will be aware that the acquisition of the facility and its recent relaunch by the Threadbone Corporation-owned McPontins-Butlin Leisure Group has received a mixed reception from industry experts. Here we give the [non]paying public a chance to air their own views.


Advertising Poster for the Original Lido c1928

"My husband and I hadn't left the house for nearly three years and we were terrified of meeting the general public. Happily the good people at McPontins-Butlin had thoughtfully arranged for the resort to be completely deserted and we didn't see a single soul. Marvellous". Mrs Pam Demic-Dammàge

"As a water chemist I am very aware of the bacteria that colonise non-running water in public facilities. The complete absence of water at the McPontins-Butlin's Lido means it passes every water quality test known to science. Five star!"

Professor E Coli, Dorset Institute for Water Hygiene, Piddletrenthide

"It was my own fault: I should have looked before I leaped."

Blunt Edtrauma, Ward 6, Herston General Hospital Herston

"The decor was terrific, especially on the exterior walls and structural supports"

Shittsy [aka Norbert "Nobbie" Bellend] Street Artist

Advertising Poster for the Re- opened Lido 2022. Some believe authentic restoration can be taken too far.

"Unfortunately we had to cancel due to my wife's herniated septum, but we understand it was liked by some and not so much by others. You [don't]pays yer money yer still make yer choice" A Fens-Sitta, Chetnole

"The Public Road Test Weekend might have been free, but we parked in the official carpark and were charged £400 per day excess. It felt like a penalty - though I suppose it was an own-goal really"

Otto-Mobyl Fiennes, Bucket-seat Person, Dorset AA

"It was awful and absolutely not our fault. We behaved impeccably and we are, as always, the victims here. I blame the authorities who were underprepared and over-enthusiastic - pepper-spraying and clubbing our children reminded me of the good old days which we will remember forever. "You'll Never Walk Again".

Jurgen Klappe-Trappe, Liverpool Road, Corfe Mullen

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