Recent clear and confident prognostications notwithstanding, well-informed sources close the Board Room of the Threadbone Corporation, whisper that all is not well at Threadbone HQ where concerns are being raised over the future of Threadbone Holidays, the troubled travel wing of the flagship business leviathan. Rumours continue to suggest that an unprecedented sense of unease [accompanied by the sound of furious under-water-paddling] lurks somewhere just below the surface of the Great Heaving conglomerate. Could it be that the fanfares surrounding the launch of their much-hyped vicarious, socially-distanced super-digital, hyper-real, stay-at-home vacation packages were premature and that the public has yet to buy into a vision which only three days ago CEO, CFO, Chair and President Mrs Amanda J Threadbone christened "the future of non-travel"? Whatever is the case, other holiday providers will be watching with interest.
Meanwhile, a bullish statement from Threadbone Airways - Threadbone Holidays' longtime partner in the physical movement of passengers business - may point to a way forward for the struggling vacation provider. Boffins at Threadbone Airways - in a hi-tech collaborative project with Threadbone Advanced Computing Solutions - have created a new app-based experience described as "the ultimate airport adventure" which, for a small charge, can be added to any Threadbone Holiday's long-haul premium virtual holiday package. Promising all the inconvenience, stress and frustration you'd normally expect at an airport [including customisable flight delays, airport security problems, unsatisfactory seating arrangements, inaccurate flight announcements, rip-off duty-free offers and outrageous currency conversion rates], this frighteningly-true-to-life add-on is, according to January's Dorset PC Gamer Magazine a must for those who want to go "the whole hog". [Prices start from just £150 per virtual passenger with a 10% discount for families of 4 or more who can enjoy the additional fun of "not being seated together when they had explicitly paid extra to make sure they did so!".]
A spokesperson for the company said [sententiously] "as the Snakeoil vaccine is to CONTRIK-69, so stands the Airport Chaos 2 App to Threadbone Holiday's long-haul premium virtual holiday package - more than just a sticking plaster, very much a long-term distraction". Industry insiders believe that the airport add-on may be the final piece in the Threadbone Holiday jigsaw and that it may yet convince those still sceptical of the "whole virtual family holiday idea" that simulation really can be as horrendously awful as the real thing.
Without question, those fearful of their jobs at Threadbone Holidays will hope so; whilst top Threadbone Corporation executives will be watching the roll-out with interest if not trepidation. As one un-named Board member was heard to say yesterday, "Those murals don't pay for themselves you know".
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