On behalf of all staff currently employed at professorthrupiece.com we would like to issue a sincere and heartfelt apology to all readers for our failure to publish a significant post yesterday on what is, without question, the most important day in the Thrupiece year: National Thrupiece Day. Several readers have speculated that this unprecedented omission was the result of complications arising from current CONTRIK-69 protocols and in particular the need for socially-distanced posting. Nothing, however, could be further from the truth.
The pure - though far from simple - truth is that all staff were in place [12 metres apart measured from the hip] at 8.45am and all were ready to produce the long-planned special deluxe bumper commemorative edition when none other than Ms Shelley-Lulette Sizemore arrived with a large tray of donuts and a smile as wide as her cleavage. Such was the level of distraction that everyone simply forgot what they were supposed to be doing and the day passed in a very pleasant blur.
To say that this has resulted in an unprecedented level of embarrassment would be to understate the case significantly. Whilst we appreciate that no amount of special pleading - they were excellent donuts and [like Ms Sizemore’s pants] they were spectacularly well-filled] can excuse this lapse or right an unprecedented and, many will rightly argue, unforgivable wrong, we do hope that readers will find space in their hearts for some allowance, particularly in light of the fact that the delightfully attractive, generously-spirited and notably well-endowed Ms Sizemore was wearing an arrestingly diaphanous blouse and no obvious foundation garment. Placed before the light of a large picture window, she was the clear centre of attention as she addressed the assembled staff and as our editor remarked: “both of her points were delightfully well made”.
We hope to make up for yesterday’s failure next year when we will publish an even more special deluxe bumper commemorative edition.