Nether Regions: A Magazine Saga


Threadbone Magazines, the wholly-owned journal subsidiary of the Threadbone Press is involved in a major push to increase the subscription rates of its high brow arts and current affairs magazine The Nether Cerner.


Executives at the publishing house have long been puzzled at The Nether Cerner's comparative lack of popularity compared to its very similar sister publication The Up Cerner, though they concede that that magazine serves a larger and more cosmopolitan public and that it was given a considerable boost recently having been chosen as feature publication for the Threadstone Bookstore Christmas advertisement 2019.


So, taking a leaf from The Up Cerner's book [Nice pun, well done [Ed]], they have authorised a short television campaign to bring The Nether Cerner to wider public attention. It is unclear how much of the Magazine's annual advertising budget was consumed by the project, but as media expert Ray-Dio Tymes says "you don't get much for a tenner these days".


Threadbone Magazines overall Editor in Chief Mrs Amanda J Threadbone says that Nether Cerner staff were at first reluctant to see the considerable merits of the "media blitz". ["They are, shall we say, not the most progressive of thinkers - ordinarily a trait I both admire and encourage in my staff - but on this occasion, their instincts were somewhat different from mine and had to be overcome. Happily, for all concerned, I prevailed - not that that was ever in doubt. I mean who wants to be redundant in January?"]


January's edition features a highly evocative winter scene of a Cerne Abbas taxi-cab seen through the rain. "It is a simple yet beautiful piece of graphic design, though to call it design rather than art is to do it an injustice", says Nether Cerner editor Wontbée Heerlong. "We wanted to evoke a sense of stillness, and reflection with perhaps une touche de tristesse and to draw readers into our cosy little world whilst reminding them that they live in a bustling metropolis. We think of it as a still small voice of calm in a troubled post-Drexit world."


"We think of it rather differently", say disillusioned and under pressure staff. "So", we ask ourselves, "are those rain or teardrops coursing down the screen?"



 

That Promotional Video:



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