Bathing in the afterglow of its success in selling "several complete sets" of its magnificent 1,500-part assemble-it-yourself scale model of the Great Pyramid of Ghiza*, world-famous part-work publisher deAgostboni is offering the general public an opportunity to assemble the finest collection of reproduction notorious crime artefacts ever made available in this country, courtesy of its new 350-part weekly series Notorious Crimes Artefacts collectables.
* Perhaps the only scale model that took longer to assemble than the original
Over the course of the series, curious collectors and crime connoisseurs will be able to build an enviable collection of jaw-dropping, impress-your-neighbours-as-well-as-yourself scale models, chronicling in perfect detail some of the most notorious weapons and crime scene memorabilia ever reproduced in the history of notorious crime-scene artefacts reproduction. This magnificent collection - each edition of which comes with a completely unnecessary and difficult to dispose of magazine, includes genuine reproduction guns, knives, ropes, telephones, gloves, masks**, blood-stains, poison bottles, shower-curtains, beds, floorboards, cudgels, chisels, lead-pipes, axes, blunt instruments, spades, and [where appropriate] detailed body parts etc. All are "to scale" and each is a miracle of die-cast moulding using the latest laser cutting and precision extrusion techniques. Made of sturdy, rigid and temperature-stable thrupolene-D4654 each non-toxic component is hand-finished and hand-painted as well as factory-inspected. Each comes with a certificate of authenticity [signed by SIr Rising Crimewave] guaranteeing that the whole set will not only give lasting pleasure to its owner but also retain at least 0.1% of its value come the time for resale.
** for recreational purposes only, not PPE safe or CONTRIK-69 approved.
On completing their collection, subscribers will be offered the opportunity to purchase a specially designed and commissioned porta-cabin [with blackout curtains] in which to house their collection and keep it either in tip-top visitor-ready order or perfect secret-hoarder repair.
So don't miss out on Issue 1 - available from today at the special price of only £9.99 [subsequent issues will cost £29.99]***. The series is available direct from the publisher [www.deagostboni_unbelievablyexpensive_miniaturemasterpieces_part-works.com] as well as bigger branches of W H Smithpiece for a limited time period only. Wipe-down magazine binders are also available to help keep your precious collection in their original mint, unread condition [priced £49.99].
*** Meaning that the whole set will cost £10,506.49 [Ed]
Dorset Part-Work Collectables & Resale Magazine editor Wanna Tataim says that, given the proven quality and provenance of the collectables contained in the Notorious Crimes Artefacts collectables series, collectors of notorious crime scene artefacts will likely be very excited about the announcement that the Notorious Crimes Artefacts collectables series is now on sale. "It's almost certainly just what they have been waiting for", she said.
AN AVID COLLECTOR OF COLLECTABLES WRITES:
As an avid collector of collectables, I have never been more excited than I was when I learned of the impending release of deAgostboni's Notorious Crimes Artefacts Collectibles series. I do, however, have one query. I see that Issue I: "The Brides in the Bath" and Issue 134: "The Acid Bath Murders" feature the same beautifully crafted but possibly identical bath. Could you please confirm that I will receive two baths [one for each crime] and that I will not be required to compromise by moving a single bath from position 1 to position 134 whenever conducting guided tours for friends and relations?
I would also be interested to know if the accompanying magazines contain any tips on how to undertake a notorious crime and get away with it.
With many thanks.
PS Photo enclosed
Former Territorial Army Reservist [Catering Division] [Retired] and on/off partner of Noodles Scoops [Largel-breasted Opportunist]
professorthrupiece.com has contacted publisher d'Agostboni Collectables on Mr Scoops' behalf and can now confirm that Issues 1 and 134 each come with their own identical bath. We further understand that purchasers of Issue 134 will be able to source a small pot of green paint from d'Agostboni Collectables, with which to "acid stain" their second bath for "that authentic used look" and to distinguish it from the Brides in the Bath bathtub which - apart from the odd sign of struggle and wear and tear - should be kept in "merely used" condition.
THAT ADVERTISEMENT IN FULL