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Pulp Non-Fiction

Used Calendars make up a high percentage of the materials feeding Dorset's multi-million pound Mass Pulping Industry. In this case unused DHRA 2020 Calendars are thought to be significant contributors

All 28 copies of the brand new DHRA Calendar of Romance 2020 have been withdrawn from circulation after the discovery of an "embarrassing and egregious error" - believed to be a "typo" - in the Foreword, penned, as is traditional, by none other than Threadbone Corporation Chief Executive Officer and DHRA President for Life Mrs Amanda J Threadbone.

A spokesperson for the DHRA apologised to all DHRA members, to the public at large and to Mrs Threadbone especially for the mistake and vowed "to get to the very bottom of the matter and to discover where responsibility for the c*ck-up lay". "No stone will remain unturned, no dark place unsearched, no short-cuts contemplated until we have shone the forensic light of impartial witch-huntery on the incident". [Please check - I know it's a quote but is witch-huntery a word? [Ed]]

In the meantime, it is believed that 24 copies of the Calendar have already been retrieved and shredded, that the locations of 3 more are known and will be visited today and that only one remains unaccounted for. Dorset Chief Constable Sir Rising Crimewave, who has already surrendered his own personal copy of the Calendar, believes that the owner of the rogue copy may be "holding on to it in the hope of significant financial gain". "Single examples of printing errors can become very valuable over time and we suspect that the perpetrator of this heinous crime against the DHRA and its hard-won reputation may think they are sitting on a big one. However, we will do everything within our considerable powers and despite our over-stretched resources to track down this man or woman [or othing] and bring him/her/it to justice"

That mistake in full: a spokesperson for the Threadbone Corporation said that "whilst Mrs Threadbone may, eventually, forgive, she will most certainly never forget".

Our Chief Crime Correspondent Paddy Ed-Sells writes

Only last year Sotherbones - the Fine Art Dealers and Auctioneers - were forced to withdraw from sale a Threadbone Corporation Investment Bond auctioned on behalf of a private collector. It was the sole survivor of a batch printed in 2009 which contained a [possibly malicious] misprinted signature: that of a Mrs Amanda J Threadboner. The owner was never traced and the £1 million Bond was destroyed after The Threadbone Corporation successfully applied to DOFFRAUD the Dorset anti-fraud Authority. RDC investigations continue but critics of the force suggest that this and many similar examples do not bode well for the fate of the missing DHRA 2020 Calendar.

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