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Safer Sex Initiative Divides Opinion

To minimise the risk of cross-infection in the public facilities under its direct management, left-leaning, non-discriminatory, equal-opportunities, diversity-inclusive, non-judgemental gender-neutral, Dewlish District Council has introduced 100% guaranteed virus-free "walk-in" disabled sex booths in a trial scheme aimed at promoting consensual safe post-lock-down, self-de-isolation for those who might otherwise struggle in conventional premises.

Dewlish District Council's newly-commissioned symbol guaranteeing a safe environment for safe-sex access.

The scheme is the brainchild of Councillor Annie Thingoes who was - ironically - non-platformed by University of Afpuddle student early last year after suggesting that "open sex in multi-storey car-parks was wrong on so many levels". Speaking at the initiative's launch, Councillor Thingoes said that whilst she appreciated some might think the move "a tad premature in the present crisis", it was important that "some of us look ahead to a time when merry hell will break loose and all those hitherto confined to self-amusement decide to take advantage of any and all available opportunities to catch up on lost time". "In such circumstances", she continued, "it is important we ensure the needs of the needy are met in conditions of absolute bio-medical as well as physical security, lest one thing leads to another. We don't want to clear out hospitals of the results of one communicable disease only to find them rapidly filled up by another".

One of the new safe spaces designed to keep disadvantaged members of the public safe and the remainder "largely ignorant of what goes on in side".

Speaking in opposition to the scheme Councillor Inna Clozet said that if the council was now predisposed to recognise and even encourage the performance of lewd acts on its premises, it might take a leaf out of her own book by recognising that any such activities were best conducted outside. "I learned at a very tender age that certain proclivities are best exercised in areas behind bike-sheds and public toilets not in them and certainly not accompanied by a large sign indicating where those with the inclination to do so can best satisfy their despicable desires". [Councillor Clozet, who is 86 and suffering from the effects of a youthful encounter with a spirochete, claims to have the personal support of Sir Rising Crimewave, Chief Constable of the RDC.]

In the meantime rollout of the council-endorsed virus-free disabled sex booths [aka physically-challenged safe sex spaces] is expected to begin as soon as the present lock-down ends. Asked when that might be, Councillor Thingoes suggested: "some time early in 2025".

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