A Statement on Behalf of Mrs Amanda J Threadbone
Great Heaving Saturday 4th April 08:00
Following the publication of The Professor Thrupiece Guide to the Art and Iconography of CONTRIK-69, several eagle-eyed [and discographically-alert] readers have written to point out a, thankfully rare, error in Mrs Threadbone's recollective process. In her otherwise wholly accurate and substantively sound Foreword to the aforementioned volume, she alluded to a hit by the famous and much-missed crooner Mr Matt Monro [aka the "Poor Man's Tony Bennett"] and [wrongly] assumed it to be from the best-selling classic Mona Lisa. Mona Lisa was, of course, a hit for the almost-as-famous songsmith Mr Nat King Cole [aka "The Poor Man's Sammy Davis Jnr"] whereas Mr Monro's hit - from whence the almost accurate quotation came - was "Portrait of My Love".
Great Heaving Saturday 4th April 08:15
A Further Correction:
Whilst "Portrait of My Love" was, indisputably, a hit for Mr Matt Monro [aka the "Poor Man's Tony Bennett"] unfortunately, the almost accurate quotation cited in Mrs Threadbone's Foreword to The Professor Thrupiece Guide to the Art and Iconography of CONTRIK-69 came, in fact, from the song "If..." a hit for, amongst others, the inestimable Welsh songstress and former ship-builder Ms Shirley Bassey [aka Ms Burly Chassis, aka "The Poor Man's Eartha Kitt"].
To put this whole matter "firmly to bed", Mrs Threadbone has asked that the lyrics to the whole song be quoted here lest some smart-arse writes in again with an even more impertinent correction.
If a picture paints a thousand words, Then why can't I paint you? The words will never show the you I've come to know. If a face could launch a thousand ships, Then where am I to go? There's no one home but you, You're all that's left me too.
And when my love for life is running dry, You come and pour yourself on me.
If a man could be two places at one time, I'd be with you. Tomorrow and today, beside you all the way. If the world should stop revolving spinning slowly down to die, I'd spend the end with you. And when the world was through, Then one by one the stars would all go out, Then you and I would simply fly away.
Mrs Threadbone herself adds:
Need I add that this song is special to me for a reason I have never before shared with the public? At the risk of over-sharing, it was sung to me [if that is the correct term] by the late Mr Threadbone on the evening he was promoted from Lead Adult to Senior Geriatric Leader of the 15th Radipole Scouts Pack. If there is truth in the rumour that he was a little the worse for drink, then it is also true that I overlooked the fact on this occasion given the enormity of the lubricated pole he had repeatedly mounted to gain such preferment.
This ends the matter. [A phrase not dissimilar to the one issued to the late Mr Threadbone on the night in question.]