Spoiling Christmas 2021
The CONTRIK-69 delayed - ergo even more hotly anticipated than usual [Really? [Ed]] - Waitaminute Christmas video has finally arrived, causing, it has to be said, much controversy. Whilst it is generally understood that these once fashionable vehicles on which corporate festive profit and loss significantly depended have become somewhat stale, tired, otiose, formulaic and generally bereft of ideas, it remains the case that a good video does little harm, whilst a bad one can leave CEOs red-faced and [in other than the present circumstances] stores with well-stacked shelves, well-stacked. [Chance would be a fine thing [Ed]; That's my point - see sentence above [Temporary Assistant Acting Copywriter].] Waitaminute's 2021 "completely misjudged farrago" is ,one critics say is not so much "bad" as "suicidally catastrophic".
SPOILER SPOILER WARNING: The following paragraph contains spoilers.
Described by some as "the ultimate spoiler", Waitaminute's "hard-hitting look at the real Christmas experience", comes [callously] without any age appropriate trigger-warning yet it brutally deconstructs [explodes?] the age-old Christmas myth, starkly contrasting hope and experience and, some say, shattering forever the illusion of magic whilst "blighting the childhood" of countless innocent "adults in formation". Here at professorthrupiece.com we make no apology for "spoiling" this spoiler, having - unlike the heartless perpetrators of the "Christmas massacre video" - had the common decency to issue an appropriate spoiler warning. Adults - especially those who have come to understand that Christmas may not be exactly as their mendacious parents once had them believe and their primary school pageants frequently suggested - would be well advised to think twice before "popping to the kitchen to make a cuppa and leaving their children to watch the ads". According to Child Psychologist Grabham Yung, "the damage could be irreparable", leading to "nightmares, bed-wetting, drug and alcohol abuse and, amongst children, CONTRIK-69-related complications including a loss of control, feelings of oppression and poor self-worth and a sense of imprisonment based on an inability to do anything without a face mask, vaccination certificate and/or an E6789534-certificated biologically-secure toxin- and virus-proof boiler suit" [aka 2021's school uniform].
Waitaminute PR Chief Watt a'Cokkuppe went into full defensive mode yesterday when he faced an angry crowd of three temporarily released householders*. Arguing that "hard times demand hard messages", he went on to say: "Well everything else about Christmas is shot to s**t so why not f**k the whole thing over completely?"
* the three who had not seen daylight for some time and who should not, according to carers have been "out on their own", were later taken into custody by members of the RDC's Special Forces Rapid Response Unit for failing to produce valid vaccination certificates and/or proof of a recent negative Lateral Flow Test.
Waitaminute Chair and Chancellor of the University of Afpuddle Lord Waitaminute later explained that what what his PR Chief had meant to say was that the supermarket giant "was sorry for any offence caused and would be looking again at the wisdom of poisoning young people's minds, shattering their illusions and upsetting parents at a challenging time". He added that the superstores' empty shelves were testimony to the fact that "the spirit of generosity which lies at the heart of Christmas is happily alive and abroad in the land". A spokesperson for Lord Waitaminute later explained that what Lord Waitaminute had meant to say was that that the supermarket giant "was sorry for the empty shelves and unavailability of many key products due to CONTRIK-69 protocols Brexit, driver rostering issues, trick-and-trap-based absences, extreme pindgdemic-induced logistical problems, import tariff disputes, global transport delays and seasonally high demand". He also acknowledged that "there will continue to be an acute shortage of food, toys, household supplies, white goods, electronic gadgets, paper-based products [including books and magazines] and many other items", before asking for "patience and understanding whilst the company does everything possible to deliver a "normal" Christmas [ie like the one in 2020]". He urged the populace "not to PANIC BUY".
THAT CONTROVERSIAL CHRISTMAS PROMO IN FULL