Sun Down But Not Out


In what appears to be a humiliating climb-down, the Sydling St Nicholas Sun has today been forced to apologize to Ms Shelley-Lulette Sizemore for several stories it has run recently on its front, middle and back pages. Apparently the victim of a reverse sting operation designed to expose the newspaper's "shabby and contemptible" journalism friends and colleagues of Ms Sizemore deliberately set out to lay a false trail to the Greek island of Zakynthos in the hope of enticing reporters into a making a series of false allegations about the behaviour of Ms Sizemore during her alleged "quest to rendezvous with an unknown gentleman".


professorthrupiece.com has learned that the clever plan involved the deployment of a look-alike [Stringbonefellow pole-dancer Wythma Klose-Orff who goes by the professional name of Brandy Mystique] who was prepared to be photographed in a series of compromising positions in order to entrap the intrepid but clearly not-so-bright members of the Dorset fourth estate. In the meantime, Ms Sizemore has been in London the whole time, "furthering her extensive career and business interests".


Ms Brandy Mystique claims to be unfazed by the attention now focused on her. "It's all in a day's - or usually a night's - work", she says, "in fact it was nice to be out and about for a change".

Speaking to rival newspaper The Sydling St Nicholas Mirror, Ms Mystique said: "They offered me a shit load of money for a few days work in like some exotic place and 'cause it only meant stripping naked in public and posing with my legs apart whenever they asked me to, it was like doin' the day job only in daylight. Which was nice. Well, it was like well-tidy I'm tellin' you and a bit of a laugh watchin' them purvey newspaper guys get all worked up like, thinkin' it was some famous celebrity when it was just little ol' me with me knickers and bra off."


So it will come as a relief to some and a warning to others that on this occasion, the Sydling St Nicholas Sun has been comprehensively out-foxed by a well-respected figure with the wherewithal to lead them "up the garden path and back again".


'I'm simply amazed that anyone could think that a savvy businesswoman of the undoubted stature of Ms Sizemore would choose to conduct herself in the way depicted by the Sun", says piano and personal fitness instructor, Sol Feggio. "More fool those who parted with their 40ps and were taken in by what was clearly a scam".


"Turning the tables on the Sun feels good", another friend of Ms Sizemore's said. "Now it's just a question of whether they are prepared to settle out of court".


THAT FULSOME APOLOGY IN FULL


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We at the Sydling St Nicholas Sun pride ourselves in the standard and integrity of our investigative journalism and our no-holds-barred approach to exposing the affairs [and sometimes the body-parts] of the rich and famous. No target is too exalted, no reputation too hallowed and no personage too highly-placed to be immune to our forensic dirt-digging and determination to get to the bottom of things.


If on this occasion we have chosen the wrong bottom to get to and have exposed the wrong body-parts, then we are prepared to hold up our hands and say a sincere sorry we got caught out. We have learned our lesson and assure readers that it won't happen again. The world is full of sneaky b*****s determined to frustrate our efforts to bring famous t**s and m***e before the public. This time they tricked us but we won't easily fall for that one again. Systems are in place. So, to repeat, we say a sincere sorry to all our readers who got over-excited about the wrong bint.


PS We are pleased to announce that Ms Brandy Mystique has now joined our team and will reveal all in a frank exposé and photo-shoot featured in Monday's sizzling Sydling St Nicholas Sun. See Brandy Mystique's: Stringbonefellows, Poles and Me exclusively in Monday's Sydling St Nicholas Sun.


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