The Afpuddle Model


In a move certain to delight progressive educationalists Dorset-wide, the University of Afpuddle has decided to abandon all examinations for the foreseeable future. Designed initially as an emergency measure in light of the recent spread of the Coronabyn virus [CONTRIK-69], finalists this year who have attended at least one lecture, seminar or practical class or have gathered in a designated safe-space at some time during their three-year residency will be awarded a First Class honours degree in a subject of their choosing. However, in his announcement, Pro-Vice-Chancellor for Education, Research, Sport, Commercial Outreach, Opportunism and On-Campus Betting Mr Grantham Capricorn said that he was pretty sure that the measures would become permanent: "It's just a matter of time".


Pro-Vice-Chancellor for Education, Research, Sport, Commercial Outreach, Opportunism and On-Campus Betting Mr Grantham Capricorn in his office today. He denies that awarding degrees is now a lottery - "and I should know".

Stressing the unlooked-for but welcome benefits of the emergency arrangements - cost-savings in teaching, assessment and related resources being chief amongst them - he also cited the likely improvements to student welfare resulting from stress-free degrees which will be awarded to anyone who meets the initial admissions requirements [currently three GCSE passes but soon likely to be downgraded to a Cycling Proficiency or similarly valid certificate]. "Student mental health is important to us", he stressed [no pun intended [Ed]] "and anything we can do to lift the burden we will do. If this means that some of our students enter critical professions a little "under-cooked" then so be it".


Professor Capricorn went on to say that he also hoped other institutions would follow suit by adopting the Afpuddle Model and did not rule out the possibility that assessment-free qualifications could find favour amongst secondary and even primary school administrators. "In this way, children from pre-school age to post-graduate level would be ensured a smooth passage through all stages of their educational life with no-one suffering the ignominy of examination failure". "It often strikes me as strange - indeed rather marvellous", he concluded, "how crisis often results in innovations that a stable system would never think to create and implement. We and the generations of fee-paying students to come should be grateful that a terrible disease has resulted in a guaranteed and virtually frictionless pipeline to institutional money-making and degree success. If only we had thought of it before!"


The Afpuddle Educational Model - a life-long non-learning plan, literally from "cradle to grave".

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