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The Widowe Threadbone

Researchers scouring the archives for materials for inclusion in thrupiecetv's forthcoming documentary on the English Civil War in Dorset [The English Civil War in Dorset] were astonished to uncover a printed handbill relating to the "local ennoblement" in 1634 of a Mrs Amanda J Threadbone, believed to be a distant ancestor of our own beloved serial Dorset businesswoman of the year and President, CEO, CIO and Executive Chair of the Threadbone Corporation, Mrs Amanda J Threadbone.

Local Historian Dusty Box-Phyles believes that the close similarity in the two names makes it very likely that the two are indeed directly related. "When trying to decide whether or not two people are related, we have various methods available to us as historians. One is to take DNA samples and compare, another is to undertake close archival research to establish ancestry via authenticated records and the third and by far the simplest is simply to see if the names look similar and on a balance of probabilities establish the link. In this case, the first was not possible and the second was expensive; so we settled for the third."

Adding further intrigue and - Ms Box-Phyles believes bringing "a huge weight of evidence" to the matter - is the fact that the proclamation - or rather Declaration and Notice - is signed by the then County Sheriff one Brynaston Thrupence - quite possibly a relative of the missing presumed disappeared Professor of Culinary Bio-ethics Professor Brian Thrupiece. "Some might think this a bit of a stretch", Ms Box-Phyles opines, "but 17th-century spelling, phonetically-transcribed dialect and non-standard usage often mean that minor departures from consistency are far from uncommon and a whole family of different spellyngs might be countenanced even within a single document. The difference between "pence" and "piece" in this context is so small as to be virtually insignificant. It could even be a case of the printer - Caxton Threadbone - picking up the wrong bit of type after one too many cyders in the King's Head".

And that fetching little engraving towards the bottom? Could that really be a portrait of the lady in question, a glimpse of a Mrs Threadbone of long ago? Ms Box-Phyles thinks so. "Maybe it's wishful thinking but with the eye of faith, I believe the resemblance between the 17th century Mrs Threadbone and our own Grand Dame de Great Heaving is striking. In any event, the portrait has her name around the edge and I think that's pretty damned conclusive."


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