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Thrupiece Variant of Concern


Celebrating the arrival of the latest CONTRIK-69 variant, and the joy it brings to Public Health Officials whilst simultaneously acknowledging the release of a new Thrupiece cinema classic causing concerns of its own.


Our Media Correspondent Hiyly Inphek-Shus writes ...


Following on from 20th Century Fox's* rediscovery and release of a series of extract from Professor Thrupiece's days as a lion of the Hollywood** casting couch, the same Corporation's Dorset-based Digital Photo-Labs have put into limited circulation a newly restored version of the originals.


* a Threadbone Corporation Company

** aka Floppywood on the grounds that its studios are responsible for more box office failures than those of any other region. Veteran actresses working in the "adult entertainment division" who have endured numerous retakes arising (no pun intended) from the impact of nerves on male (non)performers have a different explanation for the origins of the name.


When releasing the Professor Thrupiece Screen Test Compilation film earlier this week, 20th Century Fox had issued a disclaimer warning potential cinema-goers that the technical quality of the assembled clips was not wholly "up to scratch" but claiming - some felt disingenuously - that the historical significance of the material, as well as the acting quality on display - more than compensated for any visual shortcomings.


This month's Dorset Film Monthly offers a massive 18 page review of the latest Thrupiece cinema epic.

Time will tell whether or not the newly restored versions [a] are a vast improvement, [b] significantly add to our appreciation of the subtle art of Professor Thrupiece the professional actor, and [c] are worth all the effort that went into producing them.


Writing in this month's Dorset Film Monthly, seasoned critic Norman Barry thinks not, branding the latest attempt to generate interest in the best-forgotten clips "cynical, opportunistic, tawdry and a triumph of avarice over circumspection"*.


* Wake up Norman this is the film industry we are talking about [Ed].


Speaking for Threadbone Digital Photo-Labs, Managing Director and Senior Project Adviser Frayme Reece-Stora said "Working on these precious fragments has been both a privilege and a challenge. When you have something as important and as fragile as these irreplaceable celluloid pellicules in your hands and know that a moment's carelessness may destroy them forever, it gives one pause. I certainly paused many a time and often during my time with them. Salt, droplets of moisture and irreplaceable celluloid pellicules certainly do not mix - so I had to try very hard indeed not to be bored to tears as I viewed them for the 3rd or 4th time. Viewers will doubtless come to realise the heroics involved in that - if they ever get to the point of watching for a second time."


IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT:


The Threadbone Corporation's Dorset-based Digital Photo-Labs have asked us to point out that contrary to some reports, in its latest iteration the images have been enhanced in several ways. First, they have been re-grained, secondly they have been broadly reformatted [semi-wide-screen] and thirdly they have been colourised. Reviwers are asked not to describe the films as fat coloured films but rather well-proportioned films of colour.



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