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University Games

Updated: Aug 30, 2021

Desperate to plug the sizeable black hole in it’s failing finances, the University of Afpuddle is once again turning to its alumni in the hope that they will come riding to its rescue, not least by digging deep into their capacious - though alas by now pretty comprehensively ransacked - pockets.

University of Afpuddle Vice Chancellor: rarely off-message; rarely on song

Aware that the urge to give may be less strong than it once was [for some the building of a £15 million equal opportunities one-way, all-weather, unisex, cycleway was the final straw], the University’s Development Office is looking instead to novelty branded merchandising as a potentially viable route to much-needed temporary solvency. Surprisingly aware that ties, scarves, bobble-hats, cuddly teddies and even fridge magnets may have had their day, they are instead hoping to ride the wave of CONTRIK-69-learned lockdown behaviour by exploiting the new found appetite for old fashion family games such as Hide Grandma's False Teeth, Puncture Dad's Condoms and Mix-up Mad Aunt Hettie's Anti-Depression Tablets*.

*To be absolutely clear: these examples are mentioned for illustrative purposes only - perhaps in order to highlight the seriousness of the plight of many imprisoned for months on end in their own homes - and are not amongst the actual games currently offered - or being considered for future commercialisatioin - by the University of Afpuddle [Ed].

Launching the first in a series of attractively packaged card games, Head of Meretricious Fundraising Product Development - Enyold Tatt - is confident that the revival of interest in analogue retro card-based games amongst the general public will translate into steady sales for the University and hopes that alumni in particular will be drawn into buying and perhaps even playing them. She describes University of Afpuddle Top-Trumps as "a bit of fun": a mixture of the familiar with the novel and providing opportuities for both new learning and the deployment of previously held. knoweldge. "We hope that by playing these games in a an open-minded way, our alumni and friends will come to know and to understand rather better some of the University's most important "movers and shakers" and to appreciate the fantastic job they do in keeping the Uiniversity a vibrant, relevant and above all efficent device for hoovering up money regardless of origin, provenance or denomination".

Fully Road tested by locked-down and terminally bored University Athletic Support staff - Jock Strappe, Nee Brayce and Tyta Brarre - the first if several test-your-patience games - University of Afpuddle Top-Trumps - comes with complete instruction, shuffling and strategy tips as well as a 30 day money-back guarantee if you can’t master their complexities within a week.


University of Afpuddle announces Campus Snap [Honorary Degree Holders Edition] will be second card-game to be made available to the general public [including wealthy alumni].

This is a developing story and more details will be posted as they become available.

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