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Worser And Worser



A woman who was accused last week of doctoring the image of an innocent and  completely unwitting cardigan stands in danger of being branded a serial offender today after forensic experts at the Threadbone Institute for Advanced Photographic Manipulation Detection identified yet another "dodgy picture" posted on a corporate website. The image was published some time ago but has only now been the subject of serious scientific evaluation.


Following last week’s revelation, journalists have been combing through the archives as well as the printed and digital media, hoping to reveal further examples of criminal falsification as the size, scale and horrific implications of "Dodgy Photogate" begin to hit home. Today’s revelation is the first finding*


* Surely the second [ed]


The Sidling St Nicholas Sun is one of only 286 Dorset newspapers to take this important issue seriously.

Strangely however - as with the last, equally unforgivable, immoral and distasteful fraud - the woman in question chose not to enhance the human subject in the picture - removing blemishes, unsightly spots and signs of ageing / ill-health etc or even replacing a whole person's image with a better self for example, but elected instead to add incongruous shadows and extra crevices to the sofa on which the subjects sit.


In what experts say may be her unconscious “digital fingerprint” it appears she has an overwhelming predilection for altering inanimate rather than animate objects - targeting cardigans, sweaters, tartan skirts, patterned cushions, curtains, sofas and even - in extremis - the occasional futon.


Lurking behind these particular instances of gratuitous alteration lie serious and, as yet, unanswered questions. Could this be a sign of a serious mental condition, even an abnormality?  Is the woman possessed by a sinister spirit which drives her to alter the appearance of innocent objects, personal accoutrements and diverse defenceless household articles whilst leaving people untouched? And might her condition worsen to the extent that it endangers, inter alia, vulnerable organic provender through no fault of its own?  More directly and obviously: Is anything that does not breathe now safe from her heinous manipulative handiwork?


That photo! The second dodgy photograph attributed to the CEO, CIO, Chair and President for LIFE of the Threadbone Corporation leading g two speculation that she may be a serial manipulator and possibly beyond redemption.

Investigative journalist Ewan Krye believes that, far from scandal-mongering, fears of geometric escalation in the woman's output are wholly justified. "The number of examples of extreme photo manipulation have doubled in the last week alone and if this frightening acceleration is extrapolated, many more instances will come to light in the next few weeks. We could be talking about as many as a dozen deep fake photographs - several already in circulation". This would, experts say, make this woman the 97,854,236th worst offender in recent photo-tampering history**


** technically PP [post Polaroid]


When questioned by concerned reporters, a spokesperson for the Threadbone Corporation declined to comment, saying only that the organisation was aware of wholly unfounded accusations against one of its executives and that a full statement with accompanying photograph would be issued as soon as they could be satisfactorily manipulated. The same spokesperson insisted that the credibility of the Corporation had not been "completely undermined" as had been suggested and that its CEO, CIO, Chair and President for LIFE, remained a popular and trustworthy figure fully deserving of the immense esteem in which she is held by the public at large.


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