You Are Professor Thrupiece... And I Claim My ... 278
Regular reader and serial Thrupiece mis-identifier Alwys Wong has contacted us to suggest a possible breakthrough in the search for "missing presumed disappeared" Professor Thrupiece whose whereabouts have remained unknown since he was last seen in Geneva in 2005 shortly after he had "popped out" of his hotel room to acquire [allegedly [Ed]] "a little something for the weekend" prior to the arrival of protegé and fellow horizontal jogging enthusiast Ms Shelley-Lulette Sizemore.
Ever since that fateful last sighting there have been numerous reports of his appearance here, there and everywhere, though these have diminished considerably since the expiry in 2016 of the $24 reward offered by the Sidling St Nicholas Sun to anyone giving information leading to his discovery. That said, Alwys Wong and his colleagues Orff-Ten Wong and Yu-Schwali Wong have registered more than 30 sightings on the official You Are Professor Thrupiece and I Claim My $24 Reward website. So far none of the leads provided by the intrepid trio has led to a confirmed "hit".
Their latest submission consists of two photographs and a theory, the latter being that the Professor took refuge on the North Yorkshire Coast to avoid serious alimony claims [claimant unknown] and has been hiding there in plain sight ever since. According to the Three Wongs [which don't make a Wight [Ed]] the Professor has established both a domicile [Photo Evidence Exhibit "A"] and, under the cover of a well-loved relative's name, a business enterprise capable of sustaining his somewhat reduced lifestyle [Photo Evidence Exhibit "B"]. The Wong's over-elaborated theory goes on to suggest that an inconspicuous domicile coupled with a low income enterprise is perfect for a man trying to fly under the tax radar and determined to avoid the payments which triggered his original disappearance.
Duty bound as we are under a Memorandum of Agreement between ourselves and both the Royal Dorset Constabulary and Les Autorités Suisses, we have passed on this evidence despite the fact that it is, in our opinion "circumstantial at best".
Speaking for RDC's Chief Constable Sir Rising Crimewave, Communications Officer Pennan Payper said: "the evidence recently presented to us by the folk at professorthrupiece.com regarding a potential sighting of Professor Thrupiece in North Yorkshire is, in our opinion, circumstantial at best and fanciful at worst. The idea that a distinguished Professor of Culinary Bio-ethics whose fame reaches all parts of the globe should be holed-up in an ice-cream parlour by day and a beach hut by night is beyond ludicrous. And the idea that all of this should take place in Yorkshire is frankly distasteful. Anyone perpetrating this ignominious calumny should be ashamed of themselves".
In Other News ...
Our Jerusalem correspondent Wei-Lin Wall believes that a long-bearded man wearing a regulation orthodox jewish black suit, coat and hat with white accessories may be Professor Thrupiece or possibly convicted Bosnian-Serb henchman Radovan Karadžić. The psychiatrist, poet and former politician who served as the president of Republika Srpska during the Bosnian War shares some interests but little else with Professor Thrupiece, making any confusion between them difficult to understand. "I think it's the beard... it's confusing", Wei-Lin Wall explained.