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Stringbonefellows Opens Verwood Club Amidst Local Unease

Writer's picture: Professor Brian ThrupieceProfessor Brian Thrupiece

stringbonefellows, the well-regarded "nitespot" offering late evening entertainment for all the family (women and children prohibited) has opened a new club in Verwood. Occupying the former Morte d'Arthur Funeral Services warehouse in the High Street, the Threadbone Leisure-backed chain has installed state of the art lighting and sound systems as well as patent frictionless poles supplied by well known Frome Vauchurch pole supplier Poles'R'Us.

However not all is well in Verwood. Local resident together with members of the Keep Verwood Excitement Free Old People's Alliance have launched a campaign to close the already popular spot, failing which, spokesperson Putta Dampner (83) added "reduce opening to an hour a day Monday to Thursday with no mixed cocktails after 10 minutes".

Belarus-born, Charmouth club manager Drusilla Parker-Knowles (nee Likhtarovich), speaking on behalf of Threadbone Leisure said, "Some peoples say club is sleazy, but is not; girls is happy and men is excited for having us ... and champagne is cheap only £200 for nice bottle... And maybe girls find nice man for wedding like I did"

Membership of the club costs £300 per annum for single club access, or £2,000 per annum for access to all clubs. Members are entitled to a free creme-de-menthe on Tuesdays between 8 and 9pm. All clubs open at midnight.


Promotional Advertisement for stringbonefellows new club in Verwood

[ABOVE] Promotional advertisement for stringbonefellows' new club in Verwood [BELOW] Pamela Haunch arrives for work in Verwood



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The Threadbone Corporation (AJTCorps)

The Mall

Great Heaving

West Lulworth, UK

Tel: +44 (0)1929 400000

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DISCLAIMER: Though it will be perfectly obvious that the absurd world of Professor Thrupiece and his corporate affairs is no more nor less than the product of a fevered brain, it is clearly affirmed here that any resemblance to actual persons, organisations or events is purely coincidental and that no slight or injury of any kind is intended to any person alive, dead or yet to be born.

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