2017: A New Hope
Senior executives at thrupiecemedia have today revealed that thrupiecefilm, in association with commercial partners Hornimint and Swiss Canton Digital, will indeed be releasing a new blockbuster film in time for the New Year. Though industry rumours have long held that the film would be a one off "prequel" (working title: 2017: Rogue One), it is now confirmed that it is entitled 2017: A New Hope (or Episode IV) and is the first of three films (Episodes IV- VI) which will be followed after a short interval by a second set of three wholly unnecessary but digitally generated films (Episodes I - III). These latter will, according to industry magazine Inside West Country Film, be "unadulterated crap designed to make money on the back of a lucrative franchise".
Lord Lucan (CEO Lucan Film, the originators of the saga) and, until recently, co-owner with thrupiecefilm of the state of the art digital facility Girton Non-industrial Light and Magic sold his share of the two companies to Scottish media conglomerate Malt D'isny Studios whose injection of capital has given New Hope an unprecedented budget of over £23. This, thrupiecefilm CEO, Louis B Threadbone, told the press had "allowed the film makers to go wherever their imaginations took them, geographically speaking". It took them, in fact, to Caundle Marsh where all the exteriors were shot in a mammoth 28 minute session. Post production - which took almost three hours - was at thrupiecefilm's GN-ILM facility in Cambridgeshire.
SPOILER ALERT: Escaping from the terrible wrath of Dark Nader, an imperial mini-tractor cashes on the surface of the forest moon of Fendor where its three man crew (Nairb, Ande and Adnama) find themselves in a dense and gloomy forest. Hiding amongst the giant rhubarb (Rhubarbus thrupiciensis), they discover both their mission in life, an empty thrupiecediet Christmas Discs packet and Yodel - a small goblin like creature operating a local inter-galactic 24/7 home delivery service. Yodel's mother Avocado, urges her son to abandon his dreams of a contract with Imperial supermarket chain Dali Ostec and to seek new culinary bio-ethical challenges in another improbably named galaxy. United in their plan to end the film, the four depart with Avocado's blessing: "Once you were three but now:may the fourth be with you". The film is directed by Dierdre Eastman-Kodakawzcki with music by veteran composer Addinsell Threadbone.
PUBLIC BENEFIT WARNING: Coming to a cinema near you (provided you live in the Greater Lyme Regis area and have disabled parking). Certificate U *. thrupiecediet interval ice-creams available on request. A trailer can be found by clicking the image below.
*unwatchable (Rotten Tomatoes 1.2)
ABOVE: The forest on Fendor where Yodel entices Babooshka rangers into Narib's trap. BELOW: Dierdre Eastman-Kodakawzcki at work