In an exclusive interview with Hello Dorset! Magazine, Threadbone Corporation CEO Mrs Amanda J Threadbone has revealed that the Threadbone Industrial Chemicals Company is moving into the cosmetics field with the launch of two new products: perfume for him and parfumes for her.
Available exclusively through Fil d'Os: the chic Dorset high street chemist chain and online via orinoco, Aisselle en Sueur and Ane Mort for women and men respectively have been especially formulated in the giant corporation's Great Heaving research laboratories. Head of heavy bio-chemical engineering Steven Ordure is particularly proud of this latest product line. "I am particularly proud of this latest product line", he told beauty correspondent Bodie Waxing. "both perfumes are natural bi-products of our Batrachotoxin heavy refraction processing and as such are environmentally-friendly. Once we have removed the noxious smells and de-acidified the residue, it is the perfect base for alkaline flushing, after which we apply the fragrance concentrate and generally de-toxify the substrate before colouring and bottling. Up until now we have been pumping this stuff in to the river but what with all the dead fish and the smell, there have been complaints. So bringing out this perfume line is a win win for everybody."
Cosmeticians David and Hester Oats stressed that both perfumes were "pretty safe on the whole" adding that both had been tested on pig hide with "no adverse effects apart from a little staining and a slight burning of the surface". However both stressed that newcomers to the product might be wise to first test it on a non-sensitive area and preferably one where any resulting scar tissue could be covered by clothing. "Perhaps the hardened base of the heel", David suggested helpfully.
The new range of fragrances from Threadbone featured in Hello Dorset! magazine and available exclusively from Fil d'Os: the chic Dorset high street chemist chain
and online via orinoco.