DHRA "Love Store" Sets Sexy Cats Amongst Not-So-Sure Pigeons
The good citizens of Langton Maltravers were astonished today when the hoardings came down from No 5 The High Street to reveal, not the refurbished Coronation Baked Goods Store they were expecting, but a branch of the DHRA's recently franchised "Love Shop™".
Local housewife and Neighbourhood Watch Deputy Sergeant Mavis Prudish was distraught to find, as she progressed to the front of the queue eager to buy the large oven bottoms her husband has been craving since the store closed, that she was more likely to find a Scandinavian rampant rabbit than a Welsh drop scone. "I was that embarrassed", she told a Thrupiece Television Regional News Reporter. "My husband Amos likes an oven bottom or even a crusty cob every now and then. What he'll make of a rubberised nurse's outfit with lurex accessories only time will tell."
Motorists travelling on the A354 towards Blandford Forum were equally startled to find a Billboard announcing the arrival of the new store. Having narrowly averted an accident as a result of trying to scribble down the opening times whilst signalling for the Wimborne Minster turn, publican Trevor Barrell-Keggs was in reflective mood. "First it was Stringbonefellows in Bradford Peverell and now this. I don't know what the world's coming to". Asked if he was disgusted with these developments he replied "Oh no, it's just the ticket as long as the wife doesn't find out. The thought of her in a pink lift and separate's enough to turn the beer sour. Oh God I don't know why I even thought of that. I'll mention it to Cheryl though, she could carry it off".
The DHRA's decision to move into the "love accessories" market has been a matter of concern to some members. Vice Chair and Ethics Committee member Ms Fenella Downbeat was rumoured to have voted against the initiative when it was first suggested by Chair and President for LIFE Mrs Threadbone. Ms Downbeat was, however, unavailable for comment having gone, it is said, on a much-needed holiday. Speaking from their home in Church Knowle, her brother Avery confirmed that she hadn't been seen for some time. "She went to a meeting of the DHRA about 6 months ago and hasn't been home since. I am starting to get quite worried".
A spokeswoman for Mrs Threadbone said that she was sure the store would be a great success and a great amenity for the local population. "It will bring romance into their humdrum lives" she said, "especially as medium-large dildos are on special offer: buy one get another half price. It's win-win.
Motorists travelling on the A354 towards Blandford Forum were startled to find a Billboard announcing the arrival of the new store.