The ever innovative Threadbone Press has today announced the launch of its new Threadbone Audiobooks™ series in a move to disarm critics who have described its output as "elitist and readerist". One such - Radipole District Council Equal Opportu nities Officer Jeremy Inbred - recently accused the Press of publishing books which only those with the ability to read could access. "It ain't right, it ain't proper, it ain't fair" he said, inadvertently quoting from the Poldark Saga, a popular television series based on a book he hasn't read.
Reading from a statement (perhaps to prove she could), Threadbone Press Access and Diversity Officer Diane Dumbe-Downe said "Threadbone Audiobooks™ are scientifically designed and artistically conceived to bring the greatest works of The Threadbone Press to a new, lazier and more philistine audience. Designed for those whose lifestyle, indolence and lack of elementary education prevents them from sitting down and actually reading a book, Threadbone audiobooks are a major step in disseminating both fiction and non-fiction to the "can't be arsed, I haven't got time, its probably boring" generation."
Ms Dumbe-Downe went on to say that each release is carefully selected from the vast Threadbone Catalogue and beautifully presented in unabridged readings - often by the authors themselves or by a well known personality - and all are available either as a digital download or in analogue form via the revolutionary Thrupiece "LP format™" (Typically 148 LPs in a purpose-designed wooden cabinet.) . "Initially we have chosen those that will challenge the listener least", she explained, "we don't want to alarm them unduly, so most of the selections are from the large print editions. We considered doing something from the Ladybone series for the launch but thought that would be a bridge too far for most of our target audience."
"With atmospheric sound-effects to enhance the "wrap-around"™ multi-dimensional, multi-dynamic, multi-environment experience, enjoy the world of books without the inconvenience of books and enter the world of knowledge via the patent Threadbone painfree listening environment™," added Technical Director Dolby van Transfer-To-Vinyl.
So, those frustrated by hearing their friends discuss the latest bestseller and feeling excluded by want of effort, intelligence and time, need suffer no longer. As it says on the tin: "Enter the world of Threadbone Audiobooks and join the (limited) conversation!"
Threadbone Audio books™ Launch: Hope for the Hopeless.