Long-term subscribers to the ever popular Central Dorset Magazine were in shock today as - depending on where they reside - different variants of the much-anticipated monthly record fell through their letterboxes. One traumatised recipient - Mrs Porcupine Trevelyan-Edwards described herself as "heartbroken" at the prospect of receiving news and lifestyle advice from a much more restricted geographical area than she has enjoyed hitherto. "I am heartbroken" she said. "Just because we live slightly south of Iwerne Minster I don't see why we should denied access to fashion advice and recipes from from "happening" places like Bovington". A similarly bemused Peregrine Todd-Rodgers-Todd of Kimmeridge was "shocked and stunned and dismayed in more or less in that order" to discover that fishing notes from from Sixpenny Handley angling correspondent Rod Perch are now only available in the North East Central Edition; replaced in the South East Central edition by a shopping diary feature penned by Wareham's Irish High Street guru Aoife A Bargain.
A tightlipped spokesperson for publishers Threadbone Magazines Ltd (a division of The Threadbone Press) would say only - extempore and strictly off the record ("since I have no prepared statement to issue") - that "The extraordinary blossoming of culture in the central Dorset region - shall we call it the Radipole Renaissance or perhaps the Evershot Enlightenment - is in our considered view quite unprecedented in its depth and richness and we felt it was increasingly impossible to reflect this unparalleled fecundity in the necessarily limited space available in a single Central Dorset publication however holistic its intent and transcendental its vision. It is for this reason that after long and intense deliberation we have decided we can better serve the interests of our readers by concentrating on those aspects of Dorset's rebirth in evidence within the compass of their own geographical location and imagination. There is nothing localist or restrictive in this view. Rather by delving deeper and eschewing the apparently comprehensive but in practice superficial, we can make available for more systematic scrutiny and allow for a far more contemplative digestion of the innate sense of creativity which exists even at the level of the most atomised fons et origo ie at the exact point at which the creative spark is struck and from which ripples of a type close that of Brownian motion seemingly propagate. Not to mention the fact that we make more money this way." Ms Hardly-Tonguetied has a PhD in Communications from the Mannington Institute of Marketing and Communications.
Left: The once inclusive Central Dorset Magazine; Right: the new editions; geographically sensitive or "a massacre of all we hold sacred"? Critics argue disintegration of this kind is inevitable in a post-Drexit universe.