Striking a brave blow for freedom - according Threadbone Newspapers Inc, publishers of the Alton Pancras Sunday Mercury - the paper has gone ahead with its planned serialisation of Shelley-Lulette Sizemore's hemi-demi-semi autobiographical novel Scene of the Crime. Part One of the three part series will be published tomorrow and extra copies are being printed to meet the higher than normal sales now anticipated.
The Mercury secured the rights amidst fierce competition in a bidding war the like of which has not been seen since Daphnilla Seymour-Stooge's A Woman's Guide to the Clitoris and How to Use It was offered to the Press more than a decade ago. It must have seemed like a very good idea at the time.
Since then, however, threats of violence have engulfed all those connected both with the book and the film which it has spawned and doubts arose as to whether The Mercury would pull the planned issue. However, editor James Strangely-Complacent has stuck to his guns and gone ahead, facing down intimidation and thereby struck a blow for the freedom and sanctity of the press. "We have stuck by our guns and gone ahead", he told his own reporters today, "faced down intimidation and thereby struck a blow for the freedom and sanctity of the press". "You should all be proud", he added in a speech to staff gathered in his office (Tom and Sissy Menial). 'To work for such stalwart employers at Threadbone Newspapers Inc is a privilege. To those who say they are only doing this to make money, I say: No way! They are doing it to increase sales". Mr Strangely-Complacent has a degree (3rd Class) in Solipsism Management from the University of Melplash.
Cover of this Sunday's Alton Pancras Sunday Mercury: an icon of journalistic freedom.