Godmanstone Festival Launched With Soothing Sounds

The annual Godmanstone Festival ("Summer Solstice with a Somnolent Smile") got under way yesterday with a calming opening "set" from the Godmanstone Wind Ensemble under charismatic conductor Bert Triangle. The thrupieceorganisation sponsored event is timed to coincide with the "nearby" Glastonbury Festival, though organisers are quick to point out its more gentile nature. "Less mud and fewer breasts" is the Festival's unofficial motto.

Later the crowd heard an inspirational speech from Mr Jermyn Street recent loser of the election for PM (Photo-copier Monitor) of the DHRA. Something of a cult figure these days, Mr Street was a late addition to the programme and his appearance was not without its critics. "We've been coming her for years to doze off to the sounds of the Godmanstone Wind Ensemble and their ilk", said Arthur and Doreen Sleepe-Apnea, "we don't want to listen to political types rambling on about how they didn't win the election". "Anyway, we're neighbours of Mrs Doris Endersely-Kindersley and we'd rather hear her photocopying all hours of the day and night than listen to that man rambling on about the youth vote and how he's a photo-copier in waiting... he wasn't even wearing a tie." Mr Street's agent was keen to point out that the average age of Festival attendees is 82 whereas the radical Mr Street's appeal lies more in the 65-78 demographic.

The Festival runs from 23-25 June and is often attended by up to 30 people. The opening event attracted a smaller than usual crowd this year though whether this was because of Mr Street's appearance or recent administrative difficulties in the Concessionary Travel Department of Chilfrome District Council, organisers were unable to say.

Festival Contrasts: LEFT Glastonbury; RIGHT: Godmanstone