The mysterious non-communication from Mrs Amanda J Threadbone and her "camp" allied to the confusing signals emanating from the Threadbone Corporation's Great Heaving headquarters is fuelling speculation that something is amiss in the world of Dorset Corporate Finance.
Whilst the clearest probability remains that Mrs Threadbone is indeed in Mykonos enjoying a little R&R, TLC and vigorous manipulation from new PA and Personal Fitness Trainer Manuel da Curación-Palmas, the Corporation's denial that she is in Greece is puzzling many and fuelling speculation amongst others.
"Something vely funny going on" said local observer and Durweston Chinese restaurant owner Pee Ping Tom (The Golden Wok - Spring Rolls (No 37) £4.99). "I don't seen her for four day and she didn't call for beansprouts for whole week. Usually she order on Thursday and get black bean sauce too. We vely wollied".* Wollying times indeed.
So in the absence of hard evidence, what are the current theories? In this fast moving story (Really? (ed)) four "scenarios" appear to have gained traction in the last 48 hours
Mrs Threadbone has:
1. Joined the army and been deployed abroad (possibly Yorkshire)
2. Joined a religious sect and is somewhere in the "Middle East" (possibly
Gloucestershire or Hampshire)
3. Undergone extreme cosmetic surgery (at the urging well-know hotel lounge
loiterer Courtney-Cocks Sizemore)
4 Joined the Beverley Sisters on their European Tour (Northern Counties - possibly
Whilst there is little evidence to support any of these theories - "they are all complete crap" says celebrity star-gazer and Evershot Evening Post columnist Rosie Spektakals, "but the best I could think of at the time" - in the absence of hard facts, none can be discounted entirely.
Mrs Threadbone's PA is currently away at the Spa Magna Mykonos Beach Hotel, Mykonos and is, therefore, unavailable for comment.
*Beansprouts do not count as one of 5 a day but, according to Personal Fitness Trainer Manuel da Curación-Palmas, do "keep things on the move".
Four theories about Mrs Threadbone's current whereabouts have gained traction in the last 48 hours: she has joined the army or become a convert of a religious sect, she has undergone extreme cosmetic surgery or, alternatively, she has signed a lucrative
contract to become the third (substitute) Beverley Sister in the tribute act
The Cleverley Sisters.
Meanwhile, why to join in our readers Poll and vote for your favourite theory:
++++READERS POLE ++++