Solicitors acting on behalf of thethrupieceorganisation today issued a Cease and Desist Order to Messrs Durkee Mower [Massechusetts] with the aim of preventing them from manufacturing and marketing their product "Fluff" which thethrupieceorganisation believes contravenes their worldwide patents and threatens the reputation and profitability of their multi-million pound thrupiecediet range.
Commercial law trainee Letti Gation - spokeswoman for Threadbone, Threadbone and Threadbone the organisation's lawyers - said "This product is clearly illegal and highly opportunistic: its manufacturers are seeking to piggy-back on the reputation and enormous commercial success of the thrupiecediet, the only range of comestibles legally entitled to use fluff as a constituent element in their manufacture and to market an edible substance under the said name". "To add insult to injury", she continued, "there is not the slightest scientific evidence that the US product contains any real fluff at all: proof, if it were needed, that it has been manufactured in a completely hygienic, dust free and possibly even clinically sterile environment: in other words not in a food manufacturing facility anything like ours. It's a disgrace."
Speaking from their Massachusetts base, Messrs Durkee Mower would only say: "We have been manufacturing this product since the 1930s, are fully US FDA Compliant and have never been challenged before. It is our understanding that the thrupiecediet (of which we have never previously heard) came into being in the late 1960s ie some years after our product was already well recognised and well established. If they want a fight, bring it on. We'll bust their fluffy ass."
Massachusetts based Durkee Mower claim this advertisement proves their prior claim to the "Fluff" brand name. English lawyers Theadbone, Threadbone & Threadbone are not convinced.
In response, Threadbone Threadbone & Threadbone described the US Company's remarks as "unhelpful at this stage" adding only that "historians are notoriously incapable of agreeing anything especially basic chronology" and that they would therefore be challenging in court the idea that the 1930s predated the 1960s . "It cuts absolutely no ice with us", Ms Gation said.
Meanwhile in an unrelated move, Messrs Threadbone, Threadbone and Threadbone have issued an eviction order to Granville Possington-Twirl (aka "Spiky") and Annabel Juppes-Diggory (aka "Snatch") in an attempt to remove them from their camp outside the main gates of the Threadbone Corporation's Great Heaving complex. The couple have been there since March 2014 as part of a protest the object of which they can no longer remember. "We came, we saw, we stayed", "Spiky" told the Chettle Courier, "and if we'd found any horse chestnuts we would probably have conkered as well". Mr Possington-Twirl was once employed as an actuary in the Threadbone Corporation's Life Insuarance Department but left in order to pursue an unsuccessful career on the stage.
That letter and the product the fuss is all about. Threadbone, Threadbone and Threadbone have gained a reputation for winning difficult cases. They were also recently accused of "cold calling, ambulance chasing and fixing evidence in order to win cases". "It all helps", a Senior Partner said.