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Beleaguered DREXIT Chair Hopes Thrupiece Diversion Will Shift The Spotlight

Beleaguered Chair of the Dorset DREXIT negotiations - O.K. Thatzit-Imov - has sought to dispel public criticism and to divert attention from the increasingly deadlocked Dorset exit negotiations by unveiling a new attraction in Stoke Abbot's famous Thrupiece Theme Park.

The Park which attracts dozens of visitors each year features a World Monuments in Miniature area in which many of the world's most famous landmarks are lovingly recreated "at a more considerate scale: one the human eye is more able properly to comprehend". For several years now, valid ticket holders [£12 adults, £13 accompanied children] have been able to enjoy the sight of a 1 metre Eiffel Tower vying with a 0.66 metre Lincoln Memorial, a 2 metre Sydney Harbour Bridge, a 2.42567 metre Petronas Tower and even a 4.1 square metre Great Heaving Complex as well as many other icons of the construction industry.

Now in a move which critics have branded "cynical and despicable" Mr Imov has unveiled a 1.37843 metre miniature Mount Threadmore featuring the late Culinary Bio-ethics Professor prominently in the foreground. Asked if the timing of the unveiling was evidence of a desperate ploy to divert attention and at the same time please the public with a sculptural opiate, Mt Imov was adamant: "Absolutely not", he insisted, "it's timed to coincide with the start of August, world famous ex Spanish boy scout Enrique's mother's birthday and the conjunction of Orion with Cassiopeia with (unusually) Uranus in the ascendant".

Not then a case of "bread and circuses"? "Absolutely not: Professor Thrupiece was a great man, an internationalist and a believer in ever closer integration under an unelected pan West Country bureaucracy, a dysfunctional commission and an out-of-touch Court of Appeal. It's time we reclaimed him for DREXIT, for Dorset and for xenophobia". Why then Mount Threadmore? "Well, according to those who knew him, he liked to mount things as well. Apparently once he'd got the bit between his teeth there was no stopping him. So it seemed appropriate to capture him in the act as it were. He certainly looks pleased", a spokesperson for Thrupiece Theme Park owners Crown Magna Hotel and Spa said. The Thrupiece Estate declined to comment though it is understood permissions were sought and granted and that all relevant protocols were observed.

Professor Brian Thrupiece is featured in the new Mount Threadmore model, a stylish addition to the World Monuments in Miniature collection in Stoke Abbot's famous Thrupiece Theme Park. The Professor (far left) is commemorated alongside [left to right] Joyce Sibson-Frown (long time receptionist at the RSCBE), Sir Edward Elgar-Threadbone (composer of Dorset's Regional Anthem) and Tobias Ouch-Dammitt-Tulate (Dorset-born engineer for Otis-Threadbone Lifts Ltd who famously died when his face was crushed between malfunctioning second floor doors).

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