Excitement Marred By No Show


Excited members of the general public were left disappointed yesterday when celebrations to welcome the homecoming of Mrs Amanda J Threadbone went unexpectedly awry.

The much anticipated event, for which Threadbone Staff had gone to considerable trouble, ended in confusion as the Threadbone Airways flight from Robin Hood International touched down at Sydling St Nicholas Aerodrome and taxied towards the Threadbone Airways Terminal to discharge its VIP passenger. Alerted to Mrs Threadbone's likley arrival by the departure of her private limousine from the Corporation's Great Heaving Headquarters, several acquaintances of the serially-award-winning Dorset Businesswoman of the year as well as Threadbone Airways Check-In Staff had gathered to ensure that she was greeted in style after a long and mysterious absence. A paparazzo (panino in hand) also stood waiting to catch what would surely have been the "money shot of the year".

"We were waiting in what I can only describe as a state of high anticipation", Threadbone Airways staff member and Threadbone enthusiast Michelle Hott-Towell told a gathered reporter, "the aeroplane's arrival was announced and I clenched my floral tribute with the firm grip I usually reserve for the more appreciative passengers. Imagine my disappointment when the passengers filed through and there was no Mrs Threadbone. The next thing I knew, a woman I did not recognise made for the door and got into Mrs Threadbone's car before being whisked away. I was heartbroken as was my colleague Racquelle". Corporation staff later confirmed that the limousine had returned to Great Heaving and that "a woman whose identity will not be made public entered the Thrupiece VIP Reception Suite".

Mrs Threadbone has not been seen in public since she allegedly took a short holiday in mid-July with personal fitness trainer and "physical amanuensis" Manuel da Curacion-Palmas.


Scenes of Mixed Emotion

Scenes of Mixed Emotion: CLOCKWISE FROM TOP: Excited crowds gather at Sydling St Nicholas Aerodrome in a frenzy of expectation; Security is tight confirming the arrival of a very special VIP; Who is the mystery woman who was quickly whisked away by Threadbone Security Staff and driven to Great Heaving; the celebrated homecoming did not go as planned.


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