Defiant Sun Ploughs On
Unabashed and unashamed, The Sydling St Nicholas Sun today continued its relentless campaign to persuade the Dorset public that, after radical cosmetic surgery in Geneva's famed Clinique Threadbone de Bon Port, Mrs Amanda J Threadbone has re-emerged into public life a totally unrecognisable woman.
According to the popular and widely-read organ, Mrs Threadbone yesterday undertook her first public engagement since July, appearing on the catwalk at the Charminster Film Festival before attending a drinks reception with the cast of the latest thrupiecefilm blockbuster Birthday on the Orient Express.
Last week the newspaper was served with an injunction requiring it to "desist forthwith" from its "squalid promotion of lies, falsehoods and fake news" about Mrs Threadbone. Solicitors for the Threadbone Corporation, Messrs Threadbone, Threadbone and Threadbone successfully obtained the injunction from Alton Pancras Crown Court and warned, in a press statement, that it would be "seeking substantial damages on the basis of both reputational loss and improper infringement of image and name rights fully registered and proven in the UK". In a further statement today, partner Mr Joshua Threadbone-McNightly described the latest Sun antics as "a provocation in direct breach of the injunction" and confirmed that further legal proceedings would follow.
No-one at The Sydling St Nicholas Sun was available for comment. Editor Ross Sleaze was said to be "fully confident and almost fully conscious following an office leaving party for the newspaper's investigative reporting team, all of whom have purely coincidentally been offered generous severance terms".
Editor's Note: For the record, those depicted in The Sydling St Nicholas Sun's latest travesty are in fact British comedy actress Peggy Mount (1915–2001) and 29 year old English screen actress Holliday Grainger (1988- ). The so-called Professor Thrupiece 77th birthday portrait is in fact a crude sketch of "Mr Pastry" (Richard Lewis Hearne, OBE (30 January 1908 – 23 August 1979).
Claims that the picture on the front of yesterday's Sydling St Nicholas Sun are of Mrs Threadbone pre- and post surgery were dismissed by Threadbone Corporation lawyers as "squalid lies, falsehoods and fake news".