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Glittering Macbeth Brings Out the Celebrities

Looking recognisably "herself" the doyen of Dorset society, much-admired CEO and multiple award-winning Business Woman of the Year Mrs Amanda J Threadbone emerged from the premiere of the Threadbone Opera's all-female production of Verdi's Macbeth with a quick smile and a short wave to excited admirers gathered at the famous entrance to Knowleton's Grand Theatre.

Amidst cries of "Bravo Amanda" and "Mrs T for PM*", she answered the chants of "welcome home Amanda" with a brief and enigmatic "I've never been away".

Yesterday's appearance was Mrs Threadbone's first public appearance since July when she was variously reported as being on holiday in the Greek Islands with personal fitness trainer and "physical amanuensis" Manuel da Curacion-Palmas, touring lesser-known Dorset in an executive winnebago, preparing for the forthcoming "I'm a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here" or undergoing radical cosmetic surgery in Switzerland. Described by an onlooker yesterday as "looking her age", the last of these can now be safely ruled out - a fact which will cause considerable alarm at the offices of the Sydling St Nicholas Sun.

Featuring the Thrupiece Philharmonic Orchestra conducted by Russia Maestra Irina Legova, the joint Threadbone Opera/trulyuselesscompany's Macbeth stars Bridget Dunne-Cynane as Macbeth, Cynthia Sleepe-Walker at Lady Macbeth, Phyllis Spectre as Banquo, Mandy Rice-Puffe as MacDuff and Emmerdale star Agnethe Duncan-King as the non-singing King Duncan. The production has already become something of a cause celebre, featuring a scene in which King Duncan is choked to death with a large vibrator - a directorial intervention which requires a significant rewording of the famous "dagger scene".**

The tunes to Macbeth are by Giuseppe Verdi a little-known Italian composer most famous for appearing on Addinsell Threadbone's list of Desert Island Discs ("I'd like the one by that Italian that they all sing at the end of galas whilst drinking champagne - I love ventriloquism"*** [courtesy BBC Radio 4 ARCHIVE]).

The performance was also attended by Ms Shelley-Lulette Sizemore, Ms Cecilia Notso-Pointy, Mr Ziggy Osmington and Hollywood star Mr Melanie Gibson. Mrs Badminton-Court was unwell and sent her apologies.

* almost certainly a reference to the honoured position of Photocopier Maestro at the DHRA of which she is already Honorary President for LIFE (ed)

** for the record Macbeth now sings:

"Is this a dildo which I see before me, The battery replacement end toward my hand?

Come, let me click thee. I feel not thee throb, and yet I want thee still."

The rewrite is by famed DHRS author and multiple Threadstone's Romantic Novel of the Month nominee Rowena Westlake.

*** A reference almost certainly to the Brindisi from La Traviata.


The premiere of thetrulyuselesscompany/Threadbone Opera's all female Macbeth drew a glittering crowd.

The premiere of thetrulyuselesscompany/Threadbone Opera's all female Macbeth drew a glittering crowd (TOP) and was even attended by Mrs Amanda J Threadbone, the opera company's patron and main benefactor (BOTTOM RIGHT allegedly).

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