In an exclusive report in this month's Unique Dorset Scones Magazine, undercover journalist Twyning Tee-Bagge has uncovered a dastardly plot to undermine the Dorset scone, teacake and allied products industry by hitting several of its vital ingredients (sourced from outside the county) with a 85% import tax. Part of the complex Drexit negotiations currently underway in Iwerne Minster, political insiders believe that the iconic scone may become a pawn in a much bigger game.
A tight-lipped Drexit spokesperson Wiltshire's Herr Dr Dr Absolut-Nocklu refused to be drawn: "Ich werde nicht von der Dorset Scone Industrie gezogen werden. Zum Teil habe ich absolut keine Ahnung, was los ist. Ihr Sprecher Mrs. Might spielt harten Ball und wir müssen ihre Bälle hart zurückschlagen. Sie mögen Scones, die wir nicht so haben, wenn wir Ihre Scones brechen, die keine Haut von unserem Black Forest Gateau oder bayerischen Früchten lof. So sehen Sie, dass Sie törichte Briten bei uns bleiben und uns viel Geld bezahlen sollten. Jetzt wirst du es in deinem Tummies sna dthat fühlen, wird dir schlecht und für uns Spaß machen. Wir sind Deutsche und wir vergessen nicht."
["I will not be drawn by the Dorset Scone industry issue. In part I have absolutely no idea what is going on. Your spokesperson Mrs. Might plays hard ball and we have to hit her balls hard. You like the scones that we do not have to like. When we break your scones that does not take skin from our backs or Black Forest Gateau or Bavarian fruitsloafs. So you see that you foolish Dorset persons must stay with us and pay us a lot of money. Or you will feel it in your tummies and that will be bad for you and fun for us. We are Germans* and we do not forget."] [Translation courtesy THREADISPEAKE the International Translator]
Whilst Drexit negotiations continue, a worried industry insider Mrs Delia Curante-Bunne put the whole matter in perspective: "Whilst the Drexit negotiations are a continuing matter of concern, I think we need to out the whole thing in perspective", she said, "there are bigger issues at stake here: jam or cream first? with or without butter? porcelain or bone china? Frankly it's a minefield and if we let the end of the industry as we know it take priority we really are in the doo-doos".
Drexit negotiations will continue until 2084. High tea in Compton Abbas starts 3.45pm sharp, Unique Dorset Scones in on sale at a newsagents near you. Subscription advised to avoid disappointment. Other Scone-related magazines are available.
* Wiltshire Drexit executives wish to make clear that though Herr Dr Dr Absolut-Nocklu is indeed German he meant to say "We are from Wiltshire and we never forget". [Probably a reference to the Battle of Edington in which an army of the Anglo-Saxon kingdom of Wessex under Alfred the Great defeated the Great Heathen Army led by Guthrum on a date between 6 and 12 May AD 878.]
This months Unique Dorset Scones exposes the ongoing threat to the Dorset scone, teacake and allied products industry as well as an exclusive interview with Mrs Amanda J Threadbone on the importance of high tea in a civilised society.