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Doubts Surface As Evidence Is Questioned

Doubts began to surface today about the alleged "well-being" of Professor Brian Thrupiece as evidence provided by L'Autorités Suisses came under increasing scrutiny, with one Polish-German expert suggesting that the 'the discovery of a passport 'hidden' under a bed after 14 years" was "a tad suspicious in itself and even more questionable given the track-record of Swiss Commissaire de Police Arsene Berglàre". "The idea that that man could find his own a**e in broad daylight without a laser-guided finger is inconceivable", alleges L'Autorités Suisses-watcher Sue Wyss-Wotzjcher (née Sue Gutten-Tag-Heuer), "finding relevant evidence just isn't his strong suit". Further, she contends, "the photograph on the passport is not even authenticated; it is merely one of several conjectural portraits of the Professor resurrected post his demise. The fact that the original hangs in the foyer of the Threadbone Corporation's Great Heaving Headquarters (where incidentally it is clearly in black and white) means nothing". "Is it mere coincidence", the well-known conspiracy theorist adds, "that the contract to manufacture British passports has now fallen into foreign ergo unreliable hands?". "I think not", she auto-replied without a moment's hesitation.

So might Ms Wyss-Wotzjcher have a point? Does her scepticism have legs? Dorset Chief Constable Sir Rising Crimewave is sceptical: "I'm sceptical", the much respected octogenarian said earlier today, "largely because, knowing Commissaire de Police Arsene Berglàre as I do, I just don't think he's capable of this kind of deceipt: intellectually I mean not morally ..."

Asked why L'Autorités Suisses might be sufficiently bothered about the case to invent evidence in the way she alleges, Ms Ms Wyss-Wotzjcher is clear: "Obviously to give the impression they are still on the case and making progress. In any case what the f**k else have they got to do? I mean have you seen the Swiss crime rate? It's a European joke!" "The next thing you know", she added, "a letter in Professor Thrupiece's own hand explaining everything and absolving Berglàre of all responsibility will appear miraculously from out of the blue. Just you wait and see."

A spokesperson for L'Autorités Suisses described Ms Wyss-Wotzjcher comments as "blessant et extrêmement tiré par les cheveux" [ie "hurtful and extremely far-fetched" [ed]].

Dorset Police have taken the unprecedented step of issuing a photograph of the interior of The Threadbone Corporation's Headquarter's foyer (old building) together with an image taken from the passport found recently by L'Autorités Suisses under a bed in the Hotel Cornavin in an attempt to vindicate the findings of their Swiss colleagues. According to some the exercise is a sham designed to disguise "inactivity and incompetence".

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