Woman Detained For Own Safety

A 53 year old woman who cannot be named for legal reasons but who claimed to have seen Professor Brian Thrupiece at an Irina Legova concert in Geneva last week was being detained at a secure facility last night "for her own protection". A spokesperson for L'Autorités Suisses Metro (central urban locations, smaller cells, less variety at breakfast) said she had spent a "une nuit confortable fortement sédatée par de puissantes substances narcotiques". He doubted she would be available for interview "any time soon".

The woman, who still cannot be named for legal reasons is 53 year old ex Swiss Army Knife polisher Dee Lusionale: a former psychiatric patient who once claimed that she was the lovechild of Elvis Presley and Eleanor Rooservelt and who testified in 2007 that she was the assistant referee to Horacio Elizondo (Argentine Football Association) in the Olympiastadion Berlin, Berlin, when Sven-Göran Eriksson scored the winning goal in England's 2006 World Cup final win against Italy. Friends have described Ms Lusionale as "parfois peu fiable" ("occasionally unreliable").

So can any credence whatsoever be placed on reports in yesterday's Syndling St Nicholas Sun report that Ms Lusionale was at the Thrupiece Philharmonic's poorly attended Grand Théâtre, Genève concert (Piecova, Cage and Bertwistle) and that she spotted the Professor "se tapotant les pieds, mangeant une glace et discutant avec une femme bien formée au milieu de la cinquantaine?

"None whatsoever" asserts L'Autorités Suisses Metro's Deputy Commissaire, Commissaire Augustin Berglare-Lite. "I mean who the hell taps their feet to Birtwistle?"

The photograph which ex Swiss Army Knife polisher Dee Lusionale says "proves that Professor Thrupiece attended last Friday's Thrupiece Philharmonic Orchestra/Irina Legova concert in Geneva". Others are not so sure that the Threadbone Laboratories Hyper-reality digital enhancement is quite as convincing as the 53 year old psychiatric patient believs.