Threadbone Corporation spokeswoman Aye-Tee Fay-Lüur today admitted that the complete communications blackout which affected all parts of the Threadbone Corporation / thrupiece organisation over the Bank Holiday weekend was the result of a single computer failure in the IT hub of the multi-national organisation's Great Heaving headquarters. The unprecedented wipe-out which left customers "up the Swanee without a whistle" also seriously affected the hugely popular professorthrupiece.com interweb site, leaving loyal followers bereft and "eating cold turkey on the hottest day of the year"*.
An emergency investigation has, Ms Fay-Lüur said, "narrowed down responsibility for the failure to one man in one Department - something which we accept should never happen given our normal triple-lock fail safe mechanisms." She declined to identify the employee concerned but revealed that his actions are subject to an internal disciplinary review.
The Cheselbourne Village Voice's science correspondent, Mike Rowe-Chippe, believes that the employee in question - "Roger" - removed one of the Corporation's computers when he found himself ill-prepared for an impromptu barbecue to which he had invited several friends. Little knowing that he was in fact removing "a vital link in a vital chain", he borrowed the machine "fully intending to return it after a good scrubbing and once the party was over." Roger's "friend in court" - banned Union representative Cor-Moron Strike - said that "Roger" was just another innocent victim of the unseasonal capitalist heat. "If it hadn't been hot, then the idea of a barbecue would never have occurred to him and he would not have found himself in the desperate situation he did: just imagine you have three friends coming round for a barbecue and you can't find a grill. I mean that's pressure. What is a sociable proletarian chap like Roger supposed to do?"
* Health and Safety Advice: Don't try this at home. Cold turkey can be dangerous if more than three weeks old and should never be reheated above room temperature. It is best eaten raw.
Critics of the Threadbone Corporation's IT Security arrangements claim that the multi-national conglomerate should be immune to the actions of one rogue employee and that the recent communications wipe-out is a serious wake-up call. TOP: The daisy chain of computers from which experts are convinced one has been removed. BELOW RIGHT: "Roger" who "in a moment of madness" put his own need for grilled chicken above that of the Corporation's wider interest. BELOW LEFT: "that barbecue" at which the deployment of the hi-tech machine "for purposes other than those for which it was originally intended" is made manifestly clear.