A Travel Correspondent Writes
As a travel correspondent I am often asked "How do I avoid piles on long and uncomfortable inter-continental rail journeys and will Brylcream help?", to which I always offer the age-old travel advice "first equip yourself with a stout pair of walking boots".
That said, I now turn to a far more vexatious subject:
The visual similarities between Berlin and Bournemouth are such that many visitors often find themselves confused as to which city they are actually in. A general - but by no means infallible - rule of thumb is that if one is in Germany the chances are that it is Berlin, whilst if one is visiting the glorious county of Dorset, then Bournemouth is the more likely candidate. As with all things of this nature, patient study and the application of common sense can help improve reliable discernment over the longer span, but those who continue to fail to distinguish between the two cultural centres may be forgiven, for - quite apart from the obvious visual and topographic similarities - the almost uncanny similarity in the fundamental DNA of each metropolis defies all geographical logic - even to those steeped in Geosophy as a modern-day science.
Visual proof if it were needed of the striking similarity in the skylines of Berlin and Bournemouth: visitors to each city often get confused to the extent that they don't know whether to ask for a Werther's Original or an original Goethe's Werther.
Striking - indeed palpable similarities include:
Both share identical skylines [see above]
Both have beaches [of a sort in Bournemouth’s case]
Both have major rivers running through them - the Spree and the Bourne respectively [as noted by eminent Geographer and environmental determinist Dr Manfred Bournespree]
Both have been the subject of divisive West:East territorial claims and one remains contested to this day [is Bournemouth in Hampshire or Dorset? Dr Bournespree is uncertain]
Both are near forests [Black Forest and Black Forest Gateaux respectively]
Both have identical average annual summer temperatures [Berlin 30 C, Bournemouth 30 F)
Both have many B&Bs and (collectively) are B&B !
Bournemouth is famous for its half-concealed groynes, Berlin has many famous half-revealed groins [picture supplied but rejected by the editor]
The histories of both have been transformed by visits by Professor Brian Thrupiece whose work whilst resident was groundbreaking [see the The Professor and the Wall, Complete Thrupiece Papers, Threadbone Press 2016]
And perhaps most spookily of all, both begin with the letter B
Older readers will recall that it was Professor Thrupiece himself who suggested the twinning of the two cities at the height of the Quite Cold War (1957) when temperatures in Bournemouth fell to a record -2 degrees.
A Matter of Basic DNA: above further proof that Berlin [TOP] and Bournemouth [MIDDLE] are practically identical. [BOTTOM] Schoenfeld Airport Terminal and Boscombe Pier were both designed in the 1920s by the modernist architect Wall t'Er Growe-Pious and, naturally, share many design features including non-functional Bauhaus toilet facilities. Boscombe Pier has the longer landing strip and more accurate RADAR. Flights to and from there are often less delayed.
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