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An Excess Of Roy

Regular reader Mr Jakeway Cruchvetter has contacted the editor to complain about the frequent recurrence of Royston "Roy" Binstock articles in recent issues of the blog. In the interests of fairness, objectivity and balance, we publish his communication in full* below.

*Check this with the legal team - does omitting 4 paragraphs constitute publishing "in full"? [Ed]

Dear Interweb Blogmeister

An Excess of Roy

I write to draw your attention to (as well as register a complaint about) the excess of Royston "Roy" Binstock stories in recent communications from your hitherto objective, balanced and always stimulating interweb portal. Without question the intention of these stories is (a) to undermine Mr Binstock (b) to bolster Mr Binstock's already precarious position (c) to undermine Mrs Threadbone and (d) to bolster Mrs Threadbone's already impregnable position. For God's sake man make your boomin' mind up.


Jakeway Crutchvetter

Worgret Lodge

Worgret Old Road


PS I take as my title a small variation on the the phrase attributed to Jeremiah Horrocks on observing the 1639 transit of Venus. Horrocks and his friend and correspondent William Crabtree made their observations from Carr House, then in the village of Much Hoole, Lancashire and Broughton, near Manchester respectively. Your less well educated readers will doubtless be familiar with the phrase from the episode of Inspector Lewis appropriately entitled Dark Matter [Series 4 Episode 2]. I believe it can still be seen on thrupiecetv 3 and on something called Catchup (though this may be American for Tomato Sauce; I am not sure either way). Older readers should not confuse the planet (and/or its observation) with the character Dr Venus in the excellent Supermarionation classic Fireball XL5 in which Dr Venus was the comely if strangely accented "side-kick" of hero Steve Zodiac. The less said about Robert the Robot and Zoonie the Lazoon the better.

William Crabtree watching the transit of Venus A.D. 1639 by Ford Madder-than-Usual the Elder, one of his Manchester Murals. Crabtree is depicted as an old man although he was only 29 years of age when he made the observation. His premature ageing is explained by an early script meeting with Kevin Whateley who asked if he could play him blindfolded and with a gammy leg.

Crabtree later withdrew from the project.

Mr Crutchvetter has kindly enclosed the images below as an aid to further understanding.

The Transit of Venus

[TOP] The Transit of Venus (© 2018 and courtesy Thruspace Images Inc a division of The Thrupiece Space Agency). [MIDDLE] Fireball XL5 was a futuristic "Supermarionation" classic from the studios

of Gary Anderson who was to go on to become two times darts world champion and (in the absence

of suitable alternatives) a Scottish icon. After a messy divorce, wife Silvikrin went into the hair care products industry. [BELOW LEFT] Hero Captain Steve Zodiac and beautiful sidekick Dr Venus (not to be confused with the planet in transit); [BELOW RIGHT] The equally and perpetually annoying Robert the Robot and Zoonie the Lazoon. Children of all ages wanted to break them limb from limb, burn their bodies and dance on their cosmic graves before stabbing out their own eyeballs with fondue forks. They were, psychologists later discovered, instruments of irrational childhood rage dissipation and therefore a force for good. Children of all ages disagree.

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