A Doctor Writes: Diet Special

As a doctor I am often asked, are wholly synthetic foods bad for the digestive system and will artificial preservatives keep my vital organs in better condition for longer?

Such questions are not easily answered: if for example a patient is a known celiac, suffers from nut allergies, is lactose intolerant, gluten averse or, more seriously, struck down with Crohn's disease, then a diet made up of wholly artificial, chemically derived and entirely non-organic constituents is generally to be encouraged. If, on the other hand, you live in a fashionable postcode area, have a local (expensive) delicatessen and children named Atticus and Pandora, then an expensive organic diet can avoid unsightly social embarrassment.

For this reason I have always been happy to suggest the thrupiecediet (which is wholly fluff-based) as an effective general panacea, combining as it does a zero calorie regime, outrageous expenditure and a fashionable if jejune faddishness. The problem for me - as a doctor concerned for my patient's wellbeing in a properly holistic sense - has been what to recommend to those on a more limited (and possibly even fixed-income related) budget.

Now, happily, there is a cheap and effective alternative to the thrupiecediet and moreover one from the same impeccable stable: Threadbone Laboratories' newly launched Nature's Own CUPaSOUP range: they're cheap, wholly artificial and so packed with preservatives that they can be given to young and old alike. Each eye-catching sachet takes only seconds to mix and congeal and comes in a range of four equally unappetising flavours including a faux vegetarian option for those who like to grandstand at neighbourhood luncheon events.

So hesitate no longer: get down to your nearest surgery/ThreadboneExtra and demand Nature's Own. And remember - you can trust me: I'm a Doctor!!

This is a paid-for infommercial sponsored by Threadbone CUPaSOUP: A division of Threadbone Laboratories Inc; A Threadbone Corporation company.

Nature's Own from Threadbone Laboratories: A healthy packet or a health racket? Medical opinion is unsure, though volunteer testers reported no lasting ill-effects and only "slight occasional and passing nausea". Nb Nature's Own products are not to be taken with food.