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Food For Thought: Thrupies™ Non-Seasonal-Non-Festive Bake

Question: When is a festival not a festival? Answer: When its a gymkhana. Seriously though. What in this multi-cultural, multi-faith, morally relativistic world commands wide enough support to constitute a genuinely inclusive festival and how, more importantly should a multi-national corporation steer a passage through such shark-infested, politically-charged waters in order to exploit its commercial potential via the community-melding medium of baked-goods?*

* for evidence of the popularity and community-melding properties of baked-goods, see thrupiece television's "The Great Dorset Bake-well" or Dorset Regional Television's "Fatty Oats: Baking with Brenda"

It's a dilemma which has long puzzled even the finest business brains in the Great Heaving complex that is home to the Thrupiece Organisation, Threadbone Corporation, Hornimint Company, AJT Corps, DHRA, RSCBE etc etc, and one which has, hitherto, found no satisfactory solution.

So enter Thrupies' Non Seasonal-Non-Festive All Inclusive Bakes (or, for the traditionalist, non-Mince Pies) - the perfect answer for any diverse family unsure how not to offend one in-law or another when staging an impromptu morning coffee or afternoon tea. Packed with non-mince substitute these pastry encrusted marvels are guaranteed - non-denominational, non-sectarian, ecumenical, creed-neutral and even non-festival specific (ie suitable for all occasions [ed]). Think Diwali - think Thrupie; think Ramadan - think Thrupie (after 8 variety); think Christmas - think Thrupie ... and the list goes on. There is literally no occasion (festive or not) that you can think of when a Thrupie isn't "just the job".

[When asked whether, when staging an impromptu morning coffee or afternoon tea for creed indeterminate in-laws and friends, Thrupies' Non Seasonal-Non-Festive All Inclusive Bakes were not "just the job", 3 out of every 6 respondents said they most assuredly were. Sample size 6.]

So why not pop down to your nearest Threadboneextra or local Edna's today and start celebrating - even if there's nothing to celebrate. That's the beauty and elegant ethical simplicity of a Thrupies Non Seasonal-Non-Festive All Inclusive Bake: you can enjoy the flavour in complete peace of mind, even when there's absolutely no reason for doing so!

[NB Please note, some samples were found to contain small quantities of cow-heel and some batches were mistakenly dispatched to shops in packaging containing the word Christmas. The manufacturers Threadbone Bakeries (a division of Threadbone Foods and The Threadbone Laboratories) have issued a statement apologising to anyone compromised by these manufacturing/packaging glitches but have stopped short of a full product recall.

That statement in full:

"Oops! Our bad! Anyone who feels morally, spiritually, ethically, culturally or food/lifestyle-choice compromised as a result of consuming one of our Thrupies' Non-Seasonal-Non-Festive All Seasons Bakes is advised to seek help from a local Parish priest (C of E only*) and may be entitled to apply for a voucher securing them a 5p discount off their next purchase of 6 pack Thrupies' Non-Seasonal-Non-Festive All Seasons Bakes. [Terms and conditions apply. No scammers. Only the genuinely compromised qualify and you will not own the moral right to criticise."]

* other kinds of spiritual leaders are available,. See Yellow Pages for details.

Advertising poster for Thrupies' new Luxury Non-Seasonal-Non-Festive Festive Bakes. This one contains a picture of the faulty packaging which Threadbone Corporation executives have been slow to replace. The packaging has been especially designed by Nigel Courtauld-Institute and Richard Loewe-Tekk of Designs'R'Us the Frome St Quintin-based graphic design company which has recently been reinstated as the Threadbone Corporation's main design partner following serious allegations against the "in-house" team of Maurice and Charles MacPro.

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