It's A Baby!
In a series of leaks "exclusive" to the Syndling St Nicholas Sun (Dorset's Best Selling Paper), friends close to Dorset's "royal" couple - former Stringbonefellow's co-owner "Prince" Humphrey Whisky-McNightly and his former French-Canadian porn star wife Renault Megan - have revealed that Renault is pregnant! The newspaper can further reveal that the pregnancy occurred as a direct result of the couple's attendance at the wedding of "Prince" Humphrey's cousin Lady Eumust Bejoe-King and former "import-export" heavyweight Jake Natwestbank. "The wedding seems to have had a magical effect", says a source who did not wish to be named. "It was generally thought that poor old Humphrey was firing blanks", his former girlfriend Ford Caprice continued, "at least he was around me!" "Prince" Humphrey is 82, his wife is 48-28-34.
That process explained
Leading Harley Street gynaecologist Professor Biran Techerupi believes that the pregnancy may have resulted from "fertilization" a process scientists say is generally common and perfectly natural but not always to be expected in one of 'Prince" Humphrey's age. Does this mean that the former Stringbonefellow's co-owner and man-about-Dorset had outside help? "Not necessarily", opines Professor Techerupi. "Mrs (Renault) Whisky-McNightly's former professional experience may have been helpful in 'spurring the "Prince" on' - bringing him, as it were, to 'le point de non-retour', but we can't rule out completely the possibility that artificial stimulants were involved". "I think further investigation of precisely what was included in the £4,000 wedding favour bags might prove interesting", he concluded knowingly.
In the meantime speculation surrounding the baby's gender is mounting steadily. Asked about the sex, Professor Techerupi replied: "I have no idea. I wasn't there but at their age I suspect the missionary position".
Today's Sydling St Nicholas Sun. Speculation is rife that the the child is in fact a baby and that it was conceived during a bout of heavy "social interaction".