In a bold attempt to out-manoeuvre online rivals, the orinoco store has announced its massive annual Black Friday deal. During Black Friday Month (which extends from Monday 19 November through to Friday 17 May 2019) orinoco customers will be able to purchase 100 x100 ream packs of own-brand 90g premium printer paper for the price of 99 - a saving of almost £899 on an outlay of only £89,900! Those rushing to their wireless (or even wired) mouses [surely mice (Ed)] to press that all important BUY NOW button are, however, warned that the bulky item is not available on orinoco's optimus free delivery service and so customers will find themselves facing an additional £300 delivery charge. 30 square feet of available storage space is also recommended as the "safe operating minimum".
orinoco's Black Friday spokesperson Hedda Sales believes that the offer represents genuinely good value to those householders whose paper consumption exceeds "a modest 4 reams per week" and even suggests that those using closer to 5 reams per week should consider a multi-buy at the same basic 100 for 99 rate. "I believe that the offer represents genuinely good value to those householders whose paper consumption exceeds a modest 4 reams per week and would even suggests that those using closer to 5 reams per week should consider a multi-buy at the same basic 100 for 99 rate", she said.
Customers interviewed earlier today were not so sure. Single mother of 3 Trixie Fecklesse appreciated the offer but was not sure she would be in a position to take advantage of it. "I geddit but I don't think I'll like geddit, if you geddit", said the former Bradford Peverell Comprehensive and University of Affpuddle Health and Beauty alumna. "All the kids like crayonin and stuff - they get that from me - and we get thro' loads of paper like, but none of their dads are into like writin' and stuff like that, so I don't think we'd use that much - and anyway I don't think we 'ave the space, like - I'd 'ave to get rid of the settee or maybe a couple of the widescreen tellies".
orinoco's Ms Sales accepted the offer was "not for all", describing Ms Fecklesse as "some distance from our ideal target customer".
The orinoco company are expecting their innovative Black Friday deal to "shift some stock". [ABOVE] just some of the stock that needs shifting; [BELOW] a lucky customer is about to find out just how much paper they have bought for £89,900 (plus delivery)!! In the meantime, conservationists are angry that the packaging is neither recyclable nor convertible into a static home.