ThreadboneExtra's Christmas Cracker
In what industry insiders have described as "a surprising development", the Threadbone Corporation has commissioned a Christmas promotional video from thrupiecemedia in an attempt to boost sales for the Corporation's beleaguered threadboneextra supermarket chain.
Profits for the once dominant retail chain have fallen year-on-year amidst competition from cut price stores DALI, ILDA, DILL and LLID. Only last week amidst severe profit warnings, petroleum retailers THREADOIL and THRUPOWER announced they were discontinuing their partnership with the threadboneextra loyalty card scheme and would no longer be issuing threadboneextra points "at the pump".
So it is a matter of some surprise to industry experts that the Corporation should have spent as much as £50 million on a Christmas advertising campaign, "it is a matter of some surprise to us that the Corporation should have spent as much as £50 million on a Christmas advertising campaign", said industry expert Ian Dusty-Expert. "We know that the large corporations routinely spend obscene amounts of money on their festive advertising - its a dog-eat-rat world out there in the run up to yule-centred festivities - but these seems ludicrous even by this industry's standards".
Charles and Maurice MacPro at Bradpole airport. The tight-lipped pair declined to comment on whether their work on the Threadbone Corporation's threadboneextra Christmas video was worth its £50 million price tag. Carrying what security experts called "heavily-padlocked and heavily-filled carry-ons", they were "clearly in a bit of a hurry", fellow passengers alleged.
Directed by Dierdre Eastman-Kodakowski and based on a marketing idea by Charles and Maurice MacPro, the advertisement is "a lavish mixture of fantasy, sentiment and hard-hitting commercial reality", says media watcher Medea Wotcha. "It's sort of OK of its kind but it's hard to see where £50 million has gone. Certainly not in production values". Neither Charles nor Maurice MacPro were available for comment when challenged by reporters at Bradpole Airport. Carrying only two extra-large padlocked carry-on bags, they smiled at reporters but kept their lips - like their luggage tightly zipped.
A preview of the threadboneextra video is available below.