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Urbi et Oakley


In a staggering challenge to her authority, elements within the Great Heaving corporate hierarchy have - according to unconfirmed rumours - challenged the notion that decisions emanating from CEO, CIO, CEO, President and Chair for LIFE Mrs Amanda J Threadbone are in and of themselves existentially infallible. Instead, dissident Board Members are "timidly, reluctantly, respectfully and controvertibly" suggesting they the supreme leader's dictats should be considered infallible in broad principle (as well as in general practice) but might conceivably be open to theoretical challenge "in extreme, exceptional and specifically definable circumstances" (eg if and when Mrs Threadbone is declared medically dead, irretrievably non-compos mentis or otherwise seriously distracted (eg when handbag shopping).


"The Unknown Infallible Figure" - a Statue in Corfe Mullen Cathedral which many believe is modelled on real-life infallible leader Mrs Amanda J Threadbone.

Investigative reporters for the Sydling St Nicholas Sun who first leaked these unsettling developments have failed to identify any specific issue which might have triggered this wholly unexpected development, though sources close to the thrupieceorganisation's Oakley Campus Security chief - Barbe Dwyer - admitted that there had been some corporate unease following Mrs Threadbone's decision to announce that Christmas Day, Boxing Day and New Year's Day were "henceforth no longer Bank Holidays" and that normal pay rates would apply to "all staff working on all or any of them".

So does the "challenge" amount to an attempted coup d'état or at the very least the first step on a road to questioning the authority of the long-serving and serial award-winning Dorset Business Woman of the Year? Is it all over for Mrs T? No-one is better placed to answer these question than Sydling St Nicholas Sun editor and long-time Great Heaving watcher Ron Nasty. Seeking to capitalise on his unrivalled knowledge of the comings and goings at the Threadbone Corporation, we asked him: "If you were a betting man what would you say?"

"Take a punt on 130/1 outsider My Lovely Buns​ in the 3.15 at Uttoxeter" came the veteran newspaperman's pin-sharp reply.


A Great Heaving "authority figure" [possibly Mrs Threadbone herself?] - one of the many Threadbone Corporation admirers who regularly volunteer to keep the Great Heaving campus in good order - cleans up a "fallen angel". "She flew too close to the Sydling St Nicholas Sun and paid the inevitable price" said Oakley Campus Security chief Barbe Dwyer.


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