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A Fruit's Pastels

In what is clearly an attempt to garner positive publicity in the wake of the Thrupiece-tapes-gate scandal/outrage [depending on one's point of view], the powers that be at the Threadbone Corporation have moved swiftly to release for sale a limited edition reproduction of an artwork originally commissioned to celebrate Mrs Amanda J Threadbone's 75th birthday later this year and not, therefore, scheduled for public release until the late autumn.

Plans to bring forward the project are thought to have been sanctioned at the highest level and are being viewed by close-observers of the Great Heaving conglomerate's corporate affairs as an act of panic, quick-thinking, desperation or inspired timing [depending again on one's point of view].

Whilst boasting a variety of pastel shades, the anniversary artwork is thought by many to be unexceptional and clearly the work of a somewhat indulged journeyman amateur

Readers will be aware that despite strenuous and persistent efforts by solicitors for the thrupieceorganisation, Messrs Threadbone, Threadbone and Threadbone, to secure a super-injunction against perpetrators Bonileaks, the "Thrupiece Tapes" remain in the public domain with little sign of the enormous interest they have attracted subsiding anytime soon. Speaking for the multinational, Mr Joshua Threadbone described their legal fight as "continuing" but confessed to some disappointment that the Dorset High Court had not acted "more swiftly and more decisively" by now. He further conceded that the longer the present situation prevails, the less likely it is that removing the [to some] offensive materials will undo the enormous damage already done. "It is a classic case", he said, "of shutting the Court Room door after the judge has bolted". Mr Threadbone has a degree in Social Anthropology with Interior Design from the University of Afpuddle and later trained as a lawyer by taking evening classes at Buckhorm Weston Mechanics Insitute.

The limited-edition canvas, thought to be based on an original by Mrs Threadbone's long-time amanuensis, houseboy and fitness instructor - former Spanish boy scout Enrique de los Chicos Perdidos - will be restricted to only 50 in number. It is available exclusively through the fine art dealers and auctioneers Sotherbones. In what is being described as a "bold and probably idiotic marketing move" it is understood that no fixed price will be attached to the artwork in the belief that each copy will find its own value. Auctioneer Ivor Gavel has opined that this unique way of approaching sales will discourage vexatious inquiry, adding: "those who cannot begin to imagine what they are likely to have to fork-out for it and fear they might not have the wherewithal to succeed in a competitive market, will be strongly deterred from even thinking of contacting us".

Art experts believe the work looks "marginally better" framed.

What would you pay for this unique [almost] "work of art"? Answers on a postcard to The Great Artwork Debate, PO Box #279, Great Heaving Dorset. The first respondent to "get in or around the right ballpark figure" will receive a reproduction postcard version of the £125,000 painting.

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