There was hope for millions of sufferers last night as the Threadbone Corporation's ThreadiSales Digital TV Shopping Portal TSTVDSP™ launched its new Instant Christmas Bookshelf™ product range - the cheap and practical cure for the increasingly common and rapidly spreading Educated Neighbour Christmas Envy Inferiority Syndrome [ENCEIS]. Health Service studies suggest up to 1 in 3 Dorset households suffer from the condition in either mild or recurrent form, with up to 1 in 5 households experiencing the even more debilitating acute version.
Symptoms include: feeling inferior to neighbours who possess and display a sizeable collection of Christmas books, distress on entering households with more than 3 Christmas-themed titles, itchy hands and scalp when handling copies of A Christmas Carol and severe embarrassment when asked how many editions of Dornford Sittingbourne's And Suddenly It's Christmas one's personal library contains.*
* In the case of the Dornford Sittingbourne variant, symptoms generally occur only when a sufferer is confronted by the novel [hard or paperback]. Most appear to be unaffected by the DVD/VHS Tape version of of the film based on the novel. The cause of immunity to the latter is subject to clinical investigation but as yet no clear picture has emerged.
Speaking exclusively to professorthrupiece.com, ThreadiSales Digital TV Shopping Portal [TSTVDSP]™ Head of Marketing Eniold Tatt said that the new product range had been exhaustively tested in households across the county and that the overwhelming majority of those deploying the device [even the economy 4 volume edition] reported a 75% drop in the onset of Educated Neighbour Christmas Envy Inferiority Syndrome [ENCEIS], with up to 1 in 6 experiencing no symptoms at all. Former sufferer Dave Bookless said: "I used to suffer terribly - especially after the Dorset County Library Services cancelled its mobile van service. I could no longer borrow books to cover my shame and my condition worsened. I used to dread December. As soon as the decorations went up I had to refuse all invitations to neighbours' parties knowing full well that they would all have their Christmas volumes out on display. I would stare for hours at my own empty shelves. You cannot imagine the feelings of guilt, inferiority and shame I felt. Standing outside Threadstones** one day and planning to purchase a copy of Enriqué's Spanish Christmas by Mrs Amanda J Threadbone, I was suddenly completely paralysed and had to go home. But now I've said goodbye to Educated Neighbour Christmas Envy Syndrome thanks to ThrediSales Digital TV Shopping Portal's Instant Christmas Bookshelf™. It's a cardboard miracle."
** The quality High Street Bookseller [HERE]
** Translated from the Spanish La Navidad española de Enriqué
Instant Christmas Bookshelf™ [Economy, Luxury and Special Edition] is only available via the ThreadiSales Digital TV Shopping Portal [TSTVDSP]™. Sales are limited to one per customer or 3 per customer on production of a valid prescription. Beneficial effects are not guaranteed and may take some time to appear. Efficacy is heavily context dependent. Users may experience mild side effects such as RSI, breeze-affected instability and discolouration. Keep product out of winter sunshine and do not wash. Finger stains may be removed using a soft cloth and mild detergent. Keep away from pets, children, inquisitive neighbours and sharp-sighted visitors. Store in a safe, dry and preferably dark place January - November.
NB Educated Neighbour Christmas Envy Inferiority Syndrome [ENCEIS] is also available to any and all courtesy a well-educated and generally extrovert neighbour. Those living in cut-de-sacs, where residents rarely close their curtains, may be particularly vulnerable.
A doctor writes #3,452
A a doctor I am often asked: does Educated Neighbour Christmas Envy Inferiority Syndrome [ENCEIS] actually exist or is it a figment of the imagination? The answer to this question is far from straightforward and could be either Yes or No depending on which part of the question is being answered. It is perhaps safer to say, clinically speaking, that I have seen some evidence of it but only amongst Social Class B6 patients with flat screen televisions smaller than 36". If you think you might be suffering from Educated Neighbour Christmas Envy Inferiority Syndrome [ENCEIS] you should go immediately to Currys/PC World. This will be quicker, cheaper and far more effective than trying to book an appointment with your GP.