Buy, Buy, Buy

In a concerted attempt to fire up the engines of its Borrowings and Inter-Library Loans Scheme, the DHRA's under-fire Chair and PM Mrs Doris Endersley-Kindersley has announced plans to sell DHRS memorabilia and especially commissioned luxury gifts on an unprecedented scale. Speaking alongside temporary acting [and threateningly popular] Treasurer Mr Richly Suntrap, Mrs Endersley-Kindersley said that it was time to "storm the markets", on a financially-distanced basis, with goods which are likely to appeal to a wider public whose spirits have been much diminished by CONTRIK-69 restrictions.

Morale-boosting novelty items will include a number of wobble-head figures of the kind recently made popular through the Threadbone Corporation's Professor Thrupiece and Shelley-Lulette Sizemore Range. Threadboystoys's "Brian and Shelley Wobble-heads" proved the off-the-wall hit at last year's Alton St Pancras International Toy Fair, shipping volumes to retailers on a scale no one can quite believe. ["Threadboystoys Christmas sales figures in wobbly-headed fantasyland" Sydling St Nicholas Sun, 12 December 2019; "Wobble-head sales wobble: wobbly fact or wobbly fiction", Fortuneswell Financial Times 14 December 2010 ; "Wobbly heads and even wobblier tales", Radipole Retailer Monthly, January 2020.] The DHRA's marketing people [Joyce Bannerman-Clappe] are hoping for a similar response from the jaded but persuadable novelty-buying public. "We think people will be flocking to the shops for some of the more popular figures, though obviously in groups of no more than 6 and on a non-stampede basis", says retailer Ree Taylor. "I feel sure there will be a big demand for Richly Suntrap dolls, though the jury's out on Endersley-Kindersleys. Hers looks remarkably like her election mascot and I am not sure the Rampisham Red Wall is as secure as it was back in November."

In what was thought by sector analysts Sector Analysts Ltd to be an ominous sign, Hambone's the well-known specialist toy retailer is already discounting Richlys by up to 70% and Endersley-Kinderleys are 4 for the price one. "It's a good job they didn't go for the nostalgia market and make Jermyn Streets", says Sales Assistant Isla Havalook, "I am not sure we could have shifted many of those even if we'd had them free at the checkout."

Threadboystoys's Superhero Wobbly Head Mood Dolls come in a range of temperaments. The Richly Suntrap set offers Before Lockdown, During Lockdown and Post Lockdown alternatives.