Updated: Dec 20, 2019
Consumer watchdog Offgroc has today warned online food shoppers against over-reliance on home deliveries during the run-up to the Christmas festivities. The warnings follow reports that many customers have been disappointed by their shopping experiences this year, particularly with regard to Christmas comestibles. Whilst rivals Waitaminute have not been without their critics, much of the ire seems to be directed at the Threadboneextra chain which stands accused of carelessness, heartlessness and even "sarcastic substitution" when it comes to fulfilling customers' specific and often critically-particular orders. One woman even claims that she ordered "a large well-hung rabbit" for Christmas only to find "a small and rather flaccid Heather Mills vegetarian rissole" substituted instead.
Threadboneextra's Head of Customer Services - Cas Uwellstaffe - declined to comment on this particular case - for Health and Safety reasons - but said she wished to assure customers that substitutions for certain items in their online basket were rare but occasionally necessary at this time of year due to high and often competing demand. "I wish to assure customers that substitutions for certain items in their online basket are rare but occasionally necessary at this time of year due to high and often competing demand", she said, adding only that "knowing how important Christmas Day is to our customers we always try to get things right and in 15% of cases do so".
Meanwhile, Mr Peter Pan-Sexual of Chilfrome has joined the list of unhappy customers and in doing so has proved that it is not only comestibles that can disappoint. "I ordered Santa's Cosy Threesome for my Christmas stocking and couldn't wait for delivery. Imagine how deflated I was to receive Mary Poppins and some guff about feeding the birds".
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