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Done Like A Kepa

Chaos ensued yesterday when Todber United cheer leader Brenda Kepa Kewell-Head failed to live up to her name by refusing to leave the field at the commencement of the second half in the grudge match against Chetnole Academicals. Summoned to the sidelines by Head Contortion Coach Al Trust-Uppe and subsequently urged to make for the stands by her fellow cheerleaders, she was resolute in her insistence that the bouts of cramp which had significantly marred her interval performances did not mean she was unable to finish her routine, even though the players had already made their way on to the pitch for the restart.


Todber United cheer leader Brenda Kepa Kewell-Head stands accused of disrespecting her cpoach and fellow cheer leaders in what some have described as "a flagrant act of pom-pom rattling.
Todber United cheer leader Brenda Kepa Kewell-Head stands accused of disrespecting her cpoach and fellow cheer leaders in what some have described as "a flagrant act of pom-pom rattling.

Kepa Kewell-Head was half way through a double dip scrunch squat with extended wrist flourishes when she appeared to go down with only seconds of her routine remaining. No other cheer leader was near her at the time and accusations of time-wasting appeared not unfounded.


Referee Bengt Rewell-Booke was forced to intervene in the stand off between the former lap dancer turned cheerleader and Deputy Suppleness Coach Rita Flexy-Bendy whilst the home crowd were left in open-mouthed astonishment as Kepa Kewell-Head appeared to win the battle of wills.


She’s really done for him” opined Todber fan Yew Zual Over-Reaktion, “Trust-Uppe’s authority was in question even before this incident and its completely shot now. He’ll never choreograph a free-style upper body caterpillar swagger ripple again”. Neutrals too were left speechless with many lamenting the fact that the under pressure pom-pom team had put in an unexpectedly solid performance prior to the debacle, the stature of which was in danger of going unremarked. “It’s a pity that a decent showing has been overshadowed in this way. I thought their blocking, rhythm, lower pelvic extensions and ensemble work were spot on. In terms of technical difficulty they gave a masterclass though artistic impression scores were not the best”.


Nobody at the Todber United Pom-Pom Academy was available for comment today though former principal pomerina Natalia Pomerina told friends that Kepa Kewell-Head’s behaviour was utterly unacceptable. “I’d say she has brought cheer leading into disrepute but clearly that’s just not possible so instead I’ll say she’s done us no favours”.

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