Egregious Errors Lead To Significant Revamp

In an unexpected twist today, heads have indeed rolled at the Royal Dorset Meteorological Agency as veteran presenter Stan Dard-Mann was replaced by new weather girl Modeste Knöckers.

TITS UP: Veteran broadcaster Stan Dard-Mann [ABOVE] has been replaced by Ms Modeste Knöckers. A spokesperson for the RDMA said the makeover was more a question of style than substance.

A spokesperson for the Agency said only that "following internal discussions and a careful reading of the latest Unique Dorset Weather Magazine, executives have become more and more convinced of the merits of the "Scandinavian model" and would henceforth be presenting "a much broader diversity of topless women presenters". The statement continued: "We would like to take this opportunity to thank Stan for everything he has done for the Agency and wish him well in his premature retirement". "Ms Knöckers comes to us with impeccable credentials and excellent references from her previous employers Stringbonefellows. We feel sure that once she knows the ropes she will prove popular with our target audience - those who do not keenly follow the weather patterns or make too many close comparisons of our forecasts for it."

A visibly upset Mr Dard-Mann - who had once famously failed to deliver the six inches he had promised overnight - said that he was disappointed but not surprised at the latest turn of events. "In the current climate [dull, windy with a chance of showers by early evening] anything is possible and, given the desire to reduce cock-ups in the back-office, this was probably always going to happen. Let's just hope for the sake of the remaining male broadcaster it doesn't go completely tits up."